MISPLACED PRIORITIES!

This is a true life story.

SOURCE - www.234forum.com

I have been very good friends with David (not his real name) for about 3 months now and never for one day did he mention he was married. There was almost nothing to make me suspect his status –no wedding band, no pictures, no mention of a family. Not that I was checking anyway but it is always easy to sniff out a married man.  Recently we talked, really talked and out it came. He has been married for a little over 3 years and has a son with his wife. So what was the problem? Why doesn’t he ever talk about his family?  It was obvious he loved his son so much but not his wife. WHY??? 

Here’s what I found out. He met his wife 6 years ago while they were serving as corps members. She was actually crowned the “Miss NYSC” of their batch so I imagine she must have been tall and very pretty.  Naturally, beauty queens are usually slim and was that way when they got married. They were happy until she got pregnant and had their first child. My friend gradually began to lose interest in his wife the moment she got out of shape while she was pregnant. It got worse after she put to bed because she never lost the "baby fat" and has even become bigger than when she was pregnant. 

I got curious and asked why he was so bothered about her weight. He said he had always loved her figure while they were dating and that was one of the reasons why he married her in the first place.  (The ONLY reason if you ask me) Now she disgusts him and he can’t bear the thought of touching her. so the sex is gone too. It seems as though the more he hates her, the bigger she gets. They never go out together anymore, they keep fighting over the slightest issues and he now spends more time outside his home. He is even contemplating leaving her.

This scenario isn’t new. It is just one of the many issues that go on within marriages and relationships today. After nearly two hours of listening, one phrase kept ringing in my head – WRONG FOUNDATION. I am no marriage/relationship expert but I do know that any relationship/marriage built on a wrong foundation will fall just like a pack of cards –like this one was about to –sooner or later. 

SOURCE- www.blackloveadvice.com

It’s ok to love and marry a man for his six packs, his height, a woman for her curves, hips, eyes, pretty face etc. However, the crucial question here is – when that physical attribute you love that person for is taken away, WILL YOU STILL LOVE HIM/HER?  What happens when Mr Six-pack stops working out and graduates to Mr Pot-belly? What happens if that pretty tall lady has an accident, gets a burnt face and ends up in a wheel chair for life or gets her legs amputated? Of course, no one sits to pray for evil but life sometimes moves in directions we never expect. Change is constant.

CHARACTER and ATTITUDE should take priority over any physical attribute. There are so many other things that one should consider before tying the knot. Today my friend and his young marriage is suffering because he misplaced his priorities and settled for a woman’s physical beauty. I strongly suspect that his wife is probably adding more weight because she is depressed by his behavior and sudden lack of support. You cannot blame her really. Coping with a one year old, work pressure and living with a man who resents you cannot be an easy situation to live with. It must be a terrible feeling to suddenly find out that a man you thought really loved you only loved you for what you had, that he resents you now for not being able to maintain that which he loves you for. I cannot imagine living with such pressure!

How does one undo such a mistake? His options are limited if you ask me. I gave him the following advice:

• ·        Seek good counselling.
• ·         Look out for her other qualities and learn to love her for them. Everyone has a good attribute if you look hard enough.
• ·         Communication is key. Talk to her about the things you do not like and work together to correct them.
• ·         Emotional , spiritual and physical support are very important if he intends to mend his marriage
• ·         Divorce her. Join millions of other separated couples around the world and subject your poor innocent son to growing up without the gift of a happy home.

Mind you, none of these options (1-4) are easy. It will only take an open mind and willing heart to try them out. Option 5 is the easy way out if the parties do not want to bother themselves with repairing their broken walls but the long term effects won’t be easy on both especially their son.

If you are currently in a relationship, do this little exercise - write out the things you love about your partner. If most are centered on the physical, you need to check your heart again. Ask yourself how long that physical trait can be maintained and what will happen to your heart if ever it is no more. Will your love still remain?

A house built on a FAULTY FOUNDATION will never stand the test of time!

N.B- My friend will appreciate advice from the reader in addition to the ones the writer has given him. kindly write your comments below. 

Thank you!