THE PROFESSIONAL SIDE CHIC

How can a guy who obviously has a girlfriend who he constantly displays on every available social media platform claim to love and want me?

Yes I am really upset today o. I am upset because I get this sort of drama not from one or two men. A lot of men seem to think that because a lady is single, as in no-boyfriend-kind-of single, she can be told crap! Hellooo?? No one is a child here you know. At first I considered it funny but I don’t it that way anymore.

 Married men are not exempted, in fact, they are the worst culprits. Please don’t give me the “you know they are just being men” bullshit because I already threw that out the window. I knew some of these men before they got married and all of a sudden, after making their choice, they find me interesting. As what? A side lay? Oh please!

I feel it is an insult to my entire being and my intelligence. You don’t flaunt your girlfriend or wife in my face and still have the nerve to talk to me about “wishing you were here with me”. It is simply cock and bull nonsense!

To be honest I cannot decide which is more annoying and insulting of these two scenarios below:

The ex-boyfriend who was against my losing weight because “I like you this way and cannot imagine me being with anyone slimmer…” but currently engaged to a lady who is skinny personified. He still invites me to visit him and never fails to use every opportunity to tell me he wants to be with me. OR the married one (who I knew long before he got married) who keeps telling me that “you are the best thing that ever happened to me” and wants us to work out how we can be together. Err… when you are still with your wife or in another life? Seriously guys, who do y’all think you are fooling?

Speaking with some ladies over time, I discovered that I am not the only one in this situation. A woman is generally moved by what she hears and a weak woman doesn’t need to hear much before she is carried away and falls for such men.

I have spent time reading books including the bible, listening to so many talks and I know I want better for myself. I definitely wasn’t born to be a professional side chic to any irresponsible man. I now realise that I am worth more than the price tag I have placed on myself. So I made up my mind to work. I lost some weight (I am still on that journey and will write about my progress and challenges sometime), began to see myself with a fresh pair of eyes, love myself, built my confidence level and now I am reassured that I am too good for certain things and certain people. Out with the garbage!

I am still a work in progress but I can confidently tell any lady that it doesn’t pay to give yourself out cheap to any man especially those of them that think you are always available to be toyed with all in the name of love.  Such men I realise can never give you what you want. You only end up with a damaged confidence, a broken heart and a bitter spirit.

Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t make you feel dirty, small or cheap. Love doesn’t make you feel cheated. Love doesn’t make you feel inadequate. Love doesn’t make you feel like a second-class citizen or an option in another person’s life. NO. Any sort of emotion that makes you feel any of these is not love. Rise above that. Take a stand and place a huge price tag on your person and you will gain more respect.

Some of us constantly put down ourselves for men to trample on just because the society has declared that “age is not on your side” please stop. Honey, the man that will love and respect your regardless of your age will come.  But how will he find you if are too busy with the kind of man you shouldn’t be with?  This was the question I asked myself and I came to the conclusion that it is best for my man to find me with my head held up high than on the floor feeling insecure and miserable while nursing a heart ache I could have avoided.

I am at the stage where I am discovering and loving myself and it is an awesome experience! This is the most important aspect that will help you raise your self-worth. To help you love yourself two things are necessary:

·         Begin to see yourself through the eyes of God. He is love and only from him can we learn the art of loving because every of our being was crafted in His love. When you understand the plans of God for you, it will help you form a better impression of who you really are.

·         Learn to keep the exes where they out to be, ------------------>over there!  I figured that one major mistake I made and which other ladies have concurred with as well, is trying to keep a friendly/cordial relationship with these men.  But with time I have understood that it is not necessary especially if you cannot handle it.  Come to think of it, why should you be friendly with anyone who presence in your life doesn’t add any value to you? By being friendly, you are simply watering that relationship and leaving a window open for a repetition of the same situation you are avoiding.  Therefore, if cutting off such people completely will help your sanity, do it.

Always remember, in this journey what is most important is YOU, YOU AND YOU. Your happiness and well-being of your mind should be paramount.  You are beautiful, amazing and too good to be “used” by just any man!