This is a true life story.
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| SOURCE - www.234forum.com |
I have been very good friends with David (not his real name)
for about 3 months now and never for one day did he mention he was married. There
was almost nothing to make me suspect his status –no wedding band, no pictures,
no mention of a family. Not that I was checking anyway but it is always easy to
sniff out a married man. Recently we
talked, really talked and out it came. He has been married for a little over 3
years and has a son with his wife. So what was the problem? Why doesn’t he ever
talk about his family? It was obvious he
loved his son so much but not his wife. WHY???
Here’s what I found out. He met his wife 6 years ago while
they were serving as corps members. She was actually crowned the “Miss NYSC” of
their batch so I imagine she must have been tall and very pretty. Naturally, beauty queens are usually slim and
was that way when they got married. They were happy until she got pregnant and
had their first child. My friend gradually began to lose interest in his wife
the moment she got out of shape while she was pregnant. It got worse after she
put to bed because she never lost the "baby fat" and has even become bigger than
when she was pregnant.
I got curious and asked why he was so bothered about her
weight. He said he had always loved her figure while they were dating and that
was one of the reasons why he married her in the first place. (The ONLY reason if you ask me) Now she
disgusts him and he can’t bear the thought of touching her. so the sex is gone
too. It seems as though the more he hates her, the bigger she gets. They never
go out together anymore, they keep fighting over the slightest issues and he
now spends more time outside his home. He is even contemplating leaving her.
This scenario isn’t new. It is just one of the many issues
that go on within marriages and relationships today. After nearly two hours of
listening, one phrase kept ringing in my head – WRONG FOUNDATION. I am no marriage/relationship
expert but I do know that any relationship/marriage built on a wrong foundation
will fall just like a pack of cards –like this one was about to –sooner or
later.
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| SOURCE- www.blackloveadvice.com |
It’s ok to love and marry a man for his six packs, his
height, a woman for her curves, hips, eyes, pretty face etc. However, the
crucial question here is – when that physical attribute you love that person
for is taken away, WILL YOU STILL LOVE HIM/HER?
What happens when Mr Six-pack stops working out and graduates to Mr Pot-belly?
What happens if that pretty tall lady has an accident, gets a burnt face and
ends up in a wheel chair for life or gets her legs amputated? Of course, no one
sits to pray for evil but life sometimes moves in directions we never expect.
Change is constant.
CHARACTER and ATTITUDE should take priority over any
physical attribute. There are so many other things that one should consider
before tying the knot. Today my friend and his young marriage is suffering
because he misplaced his priorities and settled for a woman’s physical beauty. I
strongly suspect that his wife is probably adding more weight because she is
depressed by his behavior and sudden lack of support. You cannot blame her
really. Coping with a one year old, work pressure and living with a man who
resents you cannot be an easy situation to live with. It must be a terrible
feeling to suddenly find out that a man you thought really loved you only loved
you for what you had, that he resents you now for not being able to maintain
that which he loves you for. I cannot imagine living with such pressure!
How does one undo such a mistake? His options are limited if
you ask me. I gave him the following advice:
- · Seek good counselling.
- · Look out for her other qualities and learn to love her for them. Everyone has a good attribute if you look hard enough.
- · Communication is key. Talk to her about the things you do not like and work together to correct them.
- · Emotional , spiritual and physical support are very important if he intends to mend his marriage
- · Divorce her. Join millions of other separated couples around the world and subject your poor innocent son to growing up without the gift of a happy home.
Mind you, none of these options (1-4) are easy. It will only take
an open mind and willing heart to try them out. Option 5 is the easy way out if the parties do
not want to bother themselves with repairing their broken walls but the long
term effects won’t be easy on both especially their son.
If you are currently in a relationship, do this little exercise
- write out the things you love about your partner. If most are centered on the
physical, you need to check your heart again. Ask yourself how long that
physical trait can be maintained and what will happen to your heart if ever it
is no more. Will your love still remain?
A house built on a FAULTY FOUNDATION will never stand the
test of time!
N.B- My friend will appreciate advice from the reader in addition to the ones the writer has given him. kindly write your comments below.
Thank you!
