DOES THE SEX MATTER?

Oh how I have missed doing this! A couple of people have asked me if I have “stopped writing” because I haven’t posted on the blog in a while. No I haven’t stopped writing.  I can’t even if I tried to be honest. In fact what has happened is that recently I have been doing a different type of writing because I went back to school (yea yea, I no dey tire for book abi? haha) and I have been swamped with research and deadlines. There is so much I want to write but I lack the time to type them up so I have been stuck with writing and storing in my head. I have also been focusing more on my fitness journey which I tell you is consuming on its own!  PHEW! Maybe one of these days I might do a piece on how I have lost 26kg so far (about 20kg more to go), developed a new mindset, gained my confidence back and the ups and downs that comes with weight-loss (the struggle is real people!) .  So you see, juggling all that with writing for the blog hasn’t been easy. I need to learn to balance it. 

Today’s piece was inspired by my conversation with a new friend of mine.  Our latest conversation made me realize how much pressure the African woman puts on herself to please society. My friend is happily married with 4 beautiful kids but the “problem” is that they are all GIRLS!  Well to her it’s a problem! Why? Because they are ALL GIRLS.

SOURCE- www.healthyblackwoman.com

She is currently partnering with her gynecologist to try for another baby which she hopes will be a boy.  I was curious to know why because she seemed so worried by it.   In a nutshell her husband is the first son, and the wife of the second son already has 2 boys. To her she feels as though he has made her husband loose his “position and inheritance within the family by not giving him a son  and wants a chance to make things right”  I bet a lot women have this mentality and are in such circumstances where they constantly heap blame on themselves for not giving the man a son.   What a defeatist feeling!

Hold on honey. First things first, you are not the one who GIVES a son.  It is up to God to give us whatever he knows is best for us.  Ever seen or heard stories of pregnant women that do a scan at the 8th or 9th month and are so confident of the baby’s sex, only to end up with a different sex entirely or with more than the number of babies the doctor saw?  That goes to show that we as humans have limited control over a baby’s sex. Of course someone will argue that we can pray whatever we want into existence by faith but isn’t it still left to God to make it happen? 

Second, we need to start seeing every child as IMPORTANT and a BLESSING from God.  It’s worrisome to know that some children are more preferred than some. In other words, some are born to fulfill a particular purpose while are just born to fill the earth?   Wrong. Both the female child and male are beautiful and equal and it’s about time we started seeing them as that.  Why bring in children into the world you won’t love equally? Why should the sex of a child play a role on how much he/she is valued? Why should this even matter? Its 2015 guys!  Oh wait, what am I saying? Its 2015 and female genital mutilation, child/forced marriage, wife inheritance, widowhood rites, marital rape etc still happens.  So no surprises here.

Third, STOP PRESSURING YOURSELF!  It is bad enough that we are women from a cultural background that unfortunately encourages male domination/intimidation and constantly under pressure by the society to live up to “standard” (which rarely favors the woman) isn’t that hard enough? Why add more?  Self-imposed pressure is almost suicidal if I am asked because you only end up putting your health at risk and not enjoying your marriage or children!  Not having an “heir” doesn’t in any way make you a failure. After all the pregnancy problems, bizarre changes some of our bodies go through, the long labor pains, the painful c-section e.t.c ?  Oh no you are not! In fact you are the strongest creature alive and you deserve to celebrate yourself! 

Today I compared this lady’s situation with thousands of women who have been waiting so long to experience motherhood and I am 150% sure the latter would give an arm to be in her shoes. Talk about ingratitude!  Again, I expect someone to argue that I can sit in my own corner and say all this because I am not married or had just girls. Yes, you are right on both accounts but I promise you that I do not and will never think of a girl-child any less than I would think of a boy-child (although I am slightly partial to the girls…not unexpected though. LOL) but seriously, I will appreciate any sex God blesses me with. 

Finally, dear woman, please learn to relax and enjoy your God given role as a woman –a help-meet to your man. When God says we are a “help-meet”, I am not sure he meant we are to be perfectionists that will drive the man into his place of inheritance.  He definitely expects us to let Him work through us to bring fulfillment to our spouse.