Things i wish many parents to know (part 1)

 My Second post is about an issue that is very important to me , and that is parenting, but unlike many books published in the world i am going to take this issue from the perspective of the child ,it will not be agreeable to all and sunder, but if Jesus can consider looking at life's point of view from the point of the child , it is very possible that he saw something , we are not seeing.
     I live in a continent ,a country and a society, that does not take the role of parents lightly, like the powers given to the male gender over women,  the parents are almost given an almost god like position of not being disrespected , not insulted  but most importantly not confronted , i am in my late 20's and i can testify i have never confronted my mother, in all my years , many of my close counterparts who live in other continents are normally in awe when i mention it , cause compared to us they are allowed to be more open and expressive.......maybe too expressive , instead of making judgement i like to analyze observe and pick many of these methods that acceptable and understand how they work. As i reach the age where i comfortably say i am ready for marriage and children of my own i have decided to accept certain truths and started laying down my own rules of parenting which by no means demean the way i was trained but will be definitely different , so to all my singles who will soon be parents, to all the new parents and maybe many veterans of this honorable but hectic job, this is my tea on this matter 

1.  "Parenting is a selfless job"
    In Africa , i notice that parents train their children so they can grow up and take care of them , even though i will consider any child who was well brought up and provided the basic necessities of life completely ungrateful , if they do not show a high level of appreciation to their parents, for all they have suffered to give them the life they  have . I find it laughable that parents bring children into this world ,  after years suffering ,delayed birth ( i  refuse to accept any woman is barren ) miscarriages, prayers and fasting, insults from MONSTERS IN-LAWS and Society to bring children into the world only to hold them to emotional blackmail all of their lives. Parents should bring up their children cause they love them , not because they are a business investment that will reap from after they come off age. 
  I have met many women and men who have ruined their lives , stopped pursuing their dreams , lost all sense of self principle and self esteem cause , their parents made them to understand that they will be no where without them, statements like ''i carried you for nine months '' ''what if i aborted you?'' '' i trained you'' bare no lies in them ,but why would you say that to a child , who did not ask to come to this world. Why would you hold your child to ransom for the rest of their lives because you trained them, no child deserves to come to this world with such a burden, they should come to this world expecting to be loved , trained and protected and grow up to willingly take of their parents cause they love them ..not because they owe them. No one should get it wrong every parent should enjoy the fruits of their labor after years of struggle , especially when you see what parents with emphasis to what single  parents have to deal with , but let children end up doing it with a heart of long term appreciation than a payback, tit-for tat attitude .

2. "Parents is not the time to live your life" 
     The statement above is very misleading , but  see what i have to say. No one has a right to tell anyone how or when to live their lives , i am an individualist by nature and  i admire people who live their lives to the beatings of their own drums, because it takes a lot of courage to do that. I am also a lady who believes that even marriage should not stop one from pursuing their dreams whether its education, a career or just travelling round the world , nothing should tie you down, but when you become a parent it is ill advisable for a woman or man to live their lives in reckless abandonment as  if they where still single , because everything you do now has a direct and also an indirect impact on the life of your child /children.
People always ask me , why i am taking time in the areas of marriage..well to state the obvious i am looking for my Mr Imperfectly Right , and secondly because i want to be sure that i am ready for the responsibility that comes with it, especially for single women who are career oriented , the marriage does not start on the wedding day and end on the  honeymoon night, it gets less easier from there, that is why i am frustrated that single ladies have allowed pressure and society to push us into an institution, they are not mentally matured for and after the birth of their first child they get frustrated , its something i always envied about men , have you ever noticed that men , only get married  , WHEN THEY ARE READY? ,they spend most of their 20's hustling, partying, living life , living free ,having an adventure, their early 30's putting their lives together an by 33 to 35 they are ready to be committed. A singer once said something that got me hooked ,  guess...lol its not Elton John or Whitney Houston, nope it was Beyonce , what she said on Oprah was;

"You got to live your life before you become someones wife "

Cool quote huh? but soooo true , that is why there is a time to be single , even the bible says , ''there is time for everything" ,it is the time to be selfish ,to do you, you are not living  for anyone but yourself , which is why i am so surprised that being single is often stigmatized by society and that time of ones life is not taken proper advantage off . Parents feel they can live their lives, of-course you can live your life, you only live once , but  the next time  you want to make statements like ;

" Just because i have kids does not mean i am in prison" or " if my children can live their lives i can live mine" keep at the back of your mind , that you are answerable to your children and any good or bad action you take will affect them positively or negatively.

Phew .....that was quite the write up, if you agree or don't, feel free to argue for or against my write up in the comment section, there will be more on this topic on my next post, i wish you an amazing day...

Love 

FAITH .N