Life Of A Lagos Newbie - HOW NOT TO GET TO MAGODO ON A MONDAY MORNING by Ngozi Ilondu

You know how you hate certain courses in school and convince yourself that they are not relevant to justify your failing them. Well sometimes we were wrong. I am saying this because I hated geography and paid no attention to it but writing this article has made me see its relevance to life or how else am I supposed to explain where the heck Magodo is located in Lagos, Nigeria. But since I know I am not alone in the Geography illiterate club of Nigeria, may I suggest you Google Magodo and figure it out yourself. SO what was I doing, going to Magodo on a Monday morning.

It was a normal Monday morning that had everyone rushing to work on top speed. Bus conductors screaming on top of their voices while raining abuses on whoever crossed their path, a constant reminder to me on why I seriously needed to get a car. To get a car meant I had to wow the panel I was on my way to meet. Yes! I had a presentation that morning. It was one of those job interviews that cared less about what you said and more about you proving yourself. I had worked on my presentation on the task we were given and was fired up, determined to sweep the panel off their feet when I met him. The red eyed, shirtless, hairy armpit conductor who ushered me into the bus that would redefine my idea of a Monday morning. Instead of giving you gist, I will share what I learnt that morning on my way to Magodo for a job interview. Here goes:

DON'T LISTEN TO THE CONDUCTOR: I mean stuff your ears with ear plugs and refuse to dance to their constant tune on how they know where you are going and can take you there. One thing you must plaster on your forehead to survive in Lagos is, “The conductor cares about his money not where you are going.” There are exceptions sometimes though but they are one in a million.

TAKE A BUS THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR: and by that I mean, the moment you realize you haven’t heard the call for the bus that sounds exactly like the directions you were given. Biko kwa, wait there until you hear it or you might just be going to Ibadan without knowing.

DON’T SHED A TEAR: and when you realize that you have entered the wrong bus and stopped at the wrong bus stop with the whole Lagos waiting at the bus park to jump on any bus that stops, Don’t shed a tear. I know crying may seem like the best thing to do right now but it ain’t gonna solve your problem. Try getting a Taxi and if they call a crazy price because they know you are obviously missing your road, enter the next familiar bus.

DON’T BECOME A GOOGLE MAP: When you stop at the next confusing yet familiar bus stop, ASK QUESTIONS! Don’t automatically think you can figure this out on your own. Lagos roads are tricky, ask someone for how to get to magodo from there.

DON’T EXPLORE YOUR TREKKING SKILLS: Before you think trekking will solve your problem and help you figure the way out. Read no. 4 advice o because that road you want to trek will lead you to Maryland, miles away from Magodo.

PATIENCE…DON’T TAKE OFF YOUR EAR PIECE: Before all these happened, you were enjoying great music on your phone, don’t take off the ear piece now and succumb to the frustration gnawing at you. Keep the music playing. You need it to stay sane.

DON’T CRY WHEN YOUR SKIRTS TEARS: and when you realize that the only way to get into the estate where the office is located is through okada and you wore a pencil skirt that rips as soon as you got on the bike, don’t cry. There is always a way out and you will never see it, if you don’t stop crying. Just slowly untuck your cardigan and pull your skirt up. Yes, it may mess up your garb but it will save you for the day.

HOLD ON YOUR MONEY IS IN YOUR BAG: Patience girl, don’t panic now, keep searching your money probably hid under a book, it wasn’t stolen. It’s in there. Pay the bike man and walk away smiling.

And when you are called upon to present, BREATHE IN CONFIDENCE AND BREATH OUT ALL THE ANNOYING HAPPENINGS OF THAT MORNING, GIVE A WONDERFUL PRESENTATION, POUR OUT YOUR INTELLIGENCE AND BOW OUT.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ON YOUR WAY TO MAGODO, WHAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU GOT THERE ON TIME, DELIVERED AN AMAZING PRESENTATION, GOT THE JOB AND NOW ON YOUR WAY TO DRIVING THAT FORD EDGE YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED, CAN I GET AN AMEN!

#Lifefromtheeyesofalagosnewbie