MARRIED WOMEN STAY OFF SINGLE FRIENDS!

“OMG! Bayo proposed!”

“It’s a lie!”

“Awwww!”

“Uuhhh!”

“Cute!”

“Lovely ring!”

“We should start planning and shopping!”

“There must be a bridal shower!”

SOURCE: nubride.com

And on and on it goes when one of your girlfriends gets hooked. Plans are made, asoebis are bought, the bridal shower is planned and everyone works hard to make the bride happy. Fast forward to one year after the wedding and the newly married now realises that she has nothing In common with her single friends, does not have time to hang out with them. After all, what is there to discuss with them? What do they know about marriage and how difficult it can be to manage a home? She cannot afford to have her husband snatched too! She has a new set of marriage problems which her single friends’ minds cannot comprehend.

Hey, before you prepare to bite my head off I will tell you that I have married friends who are cool. Very cool actually and I have an excellent relationship with them. I am not talking of those types. I am talking of those who ditch both singlehood and their single friends. If truth be told, a lot of ladies get married and part ways with their single friends be it consciously or unconsciously causing estrangement, strife and rivalry. I have personally seen best friends grow apart as soon as one of them gets married.

A few years ago I was at a friend’s bridal shower where another of our married friend openly advised the bride-to-be to “learn to surround yourself with married friends now o and do not let in distractions. You won’t need that in your marriage….”. In other words,  “BEWARE OF ANY SINGLE FRIEND! THEY ARE DISTRACTIONS!”  I remember clearly the uncomfortable laughter from those present (90% of us there were single for crying out loud!) and how I cringed at that statement thinking “Hey, it’s not like single ladies go around looking for marriages to crash!” It cannot be that bad. LOL. However, it seemed our dear friend took that advice hook line and sinker and went MIA for a long time. At first I assumed she was still trying to adjust to a new home and routine. When weeks turned to long months accompanied with constant “sorry I am busy…” stories to our suggestions to have an all-girl-day-out, I had to finally admit to myself that we (her single friends) were no longer in her clique. She was probably busy making new married friends like she was advised to do. 

The question here is SHOULD A MARRIED WOMAN STILL MAINTAIN CLOSE FRIENDSHIP WITH HER SINGLE FRIENDS OR LEAVE THEM IN HER PAST once she says “I-DO” ?

Some married ladies who are guilty of this behaviour might give the following reasons:

• ·         They are trying to protect their husband and marriage by keeping their single friends away;
• ·         Their interests are no longer mutual;
• ·         They are busy, not easy caring for a husband, kids and chores too;
• ·         Their husbands might not approve of these friends. etc (add yours here)

Well, while they might be valid points I strongly believe that it should be an individual thing not something that should be done simply because it is the norm. Variety should be the key. No one should be “dropped” simply because she is still single. You should know your friends. Not every single friend is jealous of you or has plans to snatch your husband from you. How come they were not jealous when they helped plan your wedding, bought asoebi or bridesmaids’ wear or helped serve your guests at your wedding?

I must emphasise at this point again that what works for Mrs A might not work for Mrs B.  Therefore, it is very important to understand the kind of husband and friends you have. If you feel your husband might be tempted to go after a certain friend, then by all means protect your marriage by keeping that friend from within eye-range of your man but keep her in your life! My dear it is called balancing and maturity.  Do not assume or make every single friend in your life a monster. I still insist it is never that serious!

I will also be fair in saying that the married ones are not the only ones guilty here. A lot of single ladies distance or isolate themselves once their friends get hitched. This doesn’t make sense especially if that married friend is the type open to maintaining the friendship. Besides, there is always a lot to learn from people’s marital experiences. (If they share them)

Any true good friend should continue to be part of your life whether married or single. So what if that single friend never marries? You ditch her forever?   What if you divorce tomorrow and become single again? Little prejudice if you ask me. 

Your single friend can still be a good friend, listen to your marriage problems, the interesting happenings and still offer a good advice where necessary. I do not believe that I need a rock on my finger to be able to listen objectively and give a reasonable opinion to my married friends when it is called for.