I only just realised that it is nearly a
month since I last wrote a line! I have been meaning to write about this issue
for a while now but to say that I have been busy is an understatement
especially with my mother around. Phew! But I must confess that I am enjoying
it.
Ok, so I was at a café few weeks ago and
couldn’t help overhearing a conversation by these 3 girls. It was mostly about
work, men and people generally. One particular line by one of the girls caught
my attention (and going by her accent, I suspected she was Nigerian) –“I
wish I could marry some rich man and never worry about working!” And
they all laughed. I smiled.
When we were much younger, my friends and I
would talk and day dream about this same thing. Especially those of us who were
never fortunate to date a guy who had it all (money wise). Honestly, it made so
sense back then and even now! Imagine having money at your beck and call and
doing, buying whatever u desire and travelling wherever u wish anytime u want?
Tempting right?
Fast forward to 7-8 years later and I bet
you will never catch me even unconsciously having such mediocre thoughts! Why?
Oh, I got wiser and realised that wishing and praying for a rich dude to come
pick my bills was a foolish and unreasonable thing to do. Of course I like good
things including lots of money but can I please be the one to have it?
Most of us, including myself, just want an
easy life with nothing to worry about or with enough resources to solve all our
problems. To be fair, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. What worries
me is the way we (some ladies) want to go about achieving this. Some ladies
meet a man and all they are thinking and planning to do is to dump all their
financial burden on him. In turn they milk him dry while they are free of any
responsibility. A girl I used to know once told me that she believes that she
was the responsibility of her then boyfriend and she will collect even money
for her toiletries from him without batting an eyelid. Don’t you think that
being in a relationship with the sole aim of a man taking care of your needs is
being rather selfish? Comm’on! The world is moving ahead and things have
changed.
How about you aiming to become financially
independent so much that you won’t have to wait for anyone to pick your bills?
What happened to working hard to make a name for yourself and earn the respect
of a man? You have a degree don’t u? ok, you don’t but u have got brains, hands
and legs abi? Use them!
I honestly do not envy men most times
because I think the society (women) puts them under so much pressure to prove
themselves. Most men now do not get married early because they are trying to "make it" first. The economy isn’t helping too. Plus they have girlfriends (not
even wives o!) who they have to cater for. No, don’t get me wrong. I don’t have
a problem with a boyfriend giving his babe money because if mine gives me I
will collect gladly. But I do have a problem with making a man your money pot!
He is human like you too and not created solely to cater for your needs. How
about his own needs? Have you given a thought to his own needs? Ever thought of
how you could meet them or contribute meaningfully to his life? Am sure y’all
know am not talking about financial needs here because I am the last person to
advice a girl to give money to a man just like that.
Maybe growing up had a big role to play in
my way of thinking now. Maybe it is the kind of people i now roll with and look up to. one thing is certain, i definitely do not approve of sitting on my butt and wishing
for a man who has it all to come whisk me away. I also want to be on top of my
game and handling that cash too. Oh yes, I do want my man to be comfortable enough
to support our family too but I am more concerned about myself and the kind of
perception a man has of me.
I sincerely believe a lady should think
more about the value she can add to her relationship and the life of her man
than the financial benefit she can get from him so if tomorrow you leave his
life by any chance, you will still be a reference point for him. As for me, I
will rather want a man to regret letting me go because of the value I added to
him than for him to be glad I am gone because I was a financial thorn in his
neck!
Don’t sit tight and wait to leech onto a
money bag, become your own money bag!
Love, always,
Ella...xxx
Ella...xxx
This is a dicey issue..cos there is a thin line between wanting a woman who isn't lazy and being stingy. Some one say they want industrious women but have no inkling as to provision or how to support them. Women thrive on support - emotional, physical and all. I see many men abandoning their responsibilities because they see dat the women in their lives are capable of working and providing. Men should be men and women should be more industrious and give support to their men
ReplyDeletei agree with u sue. a man should still play his role as the provider irrespective of the woman's financial independence. a woman is merely a supporter of the man
DeleteTrue as it seems,not only ladies of today hate poverty and suffering, guys too no longer want to carry those traditional burden society in the past dumped on men. Guys dont also want liability from women. Infact the more you show to a guy that you are able to survive and sustain yourself the faster and easier it is for him to want to settle with you. Not that he wants your money but he want to know if your merely a decorated log in feminine gender or someone who's capable of surviving in a competitive world of today, a world that has produced many renowned women of wealth and influence. Since the Beijing declaration men began to see women as their partners in progress. I was in a
ReplyDeleteawwww..... i was enjoying this until u stopped abruptly. no name too. you have very valid points. thank u
DeleteSorry to say but I have a colleague like that. Though she works and earns salary, she still depends on men to provide her every need. Well, maybe this issue is a matter of the level of self Worth or self pride that different ladies have or do not have as the case may be; personally, I think I am my own responsibility and no one else's...for now
ReplyDeletei guess we all think differently! its a pity your colleague thinks and acts that way.
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