THE OTHER WOMAN ... by Ella

“If only I met you earlier…”

How many times have you heard this line from a guy you liked before? I for one have heard it a number of times so I know it’s not a new phrase in the market. So a friend of mine called me last week to tell me she had been dumped. Apparently, the guy she was dating, who also had a girlfriend as at the time she started seeing him (she was aware), had just played one of the oldest trick in men’s book on her. All the while he made her believe he was “not so into my girlfriend” and he was looking for a way to leave her. To make his performance look real, he rarely said anything nice about her to my friend. Sadly, she believed him. But as I write this, today is his introduction and his traditional wedding is fixed for next month. To the same girl he was not so into.  

I can imagine someone saying “that girl sef, what was she thinking in the first place? Mtchew…”  Love never jam you before abi? Will be my reply. Most times we are victims of the things we least expect. Sigh…

 This is how it plays out:

Boy (who already has a girlfriend) meets girl (single). Although he’s meant to be “off limit” something sparks between them (we can’t help some of these things can we?) A few hang-outs and some stolen kisses later, girl begins to think something COULD work out.  Boy sees he has the girl’s attention and starts complaining about his girlfriend (who he will never leave for you of course.) and says this frequently “I really wish I met you earlier, things would have been different….”

TRANSLATION:

“I'm not totally into you and I'm still weighing my options. If I plant the seed in your head that one day... it might be YOU, you will stay emotionally attached to me and continue hoping that one day WE will work out. When I'm lonely and bored, I will call you, ping you or text you. I have no intentions of being with you or marrying you, as a matter of fact-- I'm NOWHERE near that thought! I just tell you what you want to hear until I am ready to marry THE ONE in my life. Until then, you will be readily available if I need a date or some loving. Then, one day-- I will pull the plug and end this.”

Girl, being an emotional creature by nature, gullible, Starry-eyed and who is moved more by what she hears, hears and believes the opposite of what boy actually meant. She actually begins to think she has a chance with him. Mistakes his attention towards hers for love when what he is actually doing is using her to cure his boredom or when can’t get his main chick to satisfy a need, plays on her emotions and after a year or so he goes ahead to marry Number 1 and guess what? Girl is left in the cold. Alone.

The feeling of loss and betrayal overwhelms the girl at this point. But the truth is that YOU NEVER HAD HIM! He was never yours. Never.  You were just a pawn on his chess board and he simply played you. Mission accomplished.

Yes, it is hard.  Ah! Very hard o. But I learnt my lessons, picked myself up and moved on.

My dear friend has just wasted 15months of her life in a relationship built on false hope. No lady deserves to be toyed with that way. We need to understand that God made us special, with so much VALUE, WORTH and SUBSTANCE and should never give any player the satisfaction of mistreating us.

Playing the role of “THE OTHER WOMAN” is one of the hardest thing to do. Trust me I know. Each time I watch Olivia Pope in SCANDAL waiting for President Fitz to finally give up his life so that their life together can begin I feel so sad for her because I know from experience that it ain’t gonna happen! It is one of the most difficult things to do because you are literally watching your life pass you by while he is busy living his!

Sweetheart, any man who comes around with such a lame line does not deserve a minute of your attention. Do not let yourself be strung along. He is only creating a mirage for you and believe me, he is not worth the pain and ache he will cause you when he finally plays you and dumps you for who he really wants.

Why let yourself be a side kick when you can be a major? Why settle for a second class position when someone out there will be honoured to make you his queen? There are no benefits of being a mistress/other woman. None. So do yourself a favour, CUT OFF such a man, tell him off and do whatever you have to do to keep moving so the right man can find you!

The end.

Love, always,

ELLA…XX


N.B- this piece was inspired by a true life story and Heather Lindsey (heatherllindsey.blogspot.com)