BEFORE 30...

SOURCE: medym.weebly.com

Not sure if a lot of people are aware of the new series on Ebony Life TV called ‘BEFORE 30’.  It is quite interesting and entertaining. In summary, it mirrors the pressure society and family puts on  ladies to tie the knot before they hit the BIG 30. People, the pressure is REAL! I remember a scene where Temi’s father asked her (a 28year old successful lawyer, played by Damilola Adegbite-Atoh) if she wanted to end up like Oprah Winfery. The look on her face was epic! Here some of us are thinking of Oprah as an achiever and icon meanwhile some people regard her a ‘failure' because she hasn't traded her maiden name for a man’s. I wonder what our feminist Chimamanda Adichie will have to say about this. LOL.

I can totally relate to the story line so far because at the moment,  in fact since I was a day past 25 years old, I have literally felt people breathing down my neck. It seems as though friends, family and even enemies have a marriage related question or statement to ask/make. Even when the matter at hand is not marriage related, they all find a way to corner it there!

“Ah! My dear congrats on your graduation o! it is now remaining our asoebi o” ----An amebo  family friend

“Sweetie what’s up? Anyone yet? How far with that other Yoruba guy?” ---- A frenemy pretending to sympathise with you but making sure your train isn’t moving faster than hers.

“Kai! Nawah for men o. God will bring a good man your way u hear?” ----- A friend looking for gist

“Ehen! Am sure this one you have lost small weight they will start rushing you!” ----Some nosy aunty (what?! Seriously????)

“My dear, this material will be nice on your friends for asoebi. What do you think?” ----Mum

“Hmmmmn, you need to see the lovely coral beads I saw today. I have to go back and buy them for your wedding” ------Mum (Hello mother! There’s no man yet! Ok, she must be speaking by faith)

“There’s this boy from our place I need you to meet”-----Uncle (Oh please, not me! The hook up you did for our cousin was a disaster LOL)

Initially I used to laugh over these kinds of talks then I graduated to being angry. But after I realised that I was only punishing myself unnecessarily I adopted a different method – smiling outwardly and feeling indifferent inwardly. And it worked!

Like SERIOUSLY? oh please! SMH

Why does the (Nigerian) society derive joy from making a single 28 or 29 year old lady miserable and inadequate? Ok I know it has to do with our culture but things have changed in that department. Why can’t our mentality towards marriage change like technology is moving, making everything smart these days eh? Nearly every day on Instagram I read people’s comments on some single mature celebrity’s picture asking when they will get married. How rude! Myopic people who won’t mind their business! The world is changing guys. A woman’s achievement should no longer be tied to her marital status or measured by it.

Has it not occurred to these people that if most single ladies had their way they would be happily married? Has it occurred to these people that marriage isn’t for everyone? Actually some people have phobia for marriage or commitment in general (click here GAMOPHOBIA).  Some ladies (and men alike) have been through some terrible relationships that have scared them deeply that the mere thought of the opposite sex or a lifelong commitment to one puts them off. So how dare you go about “harassing and assaulting” people with your incessant questions and words simply because they are single?! There is more to life really.  

Those in Abuja say “’Abuja men’ are not serious. Most are married and all they want is a booty call when it suits them” Those in Lagos complain of same thing while those in Port Harcourt say the men do not like commitment. In fact a friend once said to me that the men consider most Port Harcourt ladies wild and unmarriageable.  Personally I can testify that the men who are willing and readily ‘available’ are the unavailable married men. They do not hide their status and have the nerve to openly ask a lady (with all her intelligence) to be his girl-friend. Why? Because he thinks he can offer much more than the single men are offering. Hmmn! So you see part of the problem? A woman won’t marry herself (in this part of the planet anyway) so understand that she is waiting patiently for the man same way you are waiting for her to share her asoebi and invitation card.

It will come. For every single lady, no matter the age, marriage will surely come if you really desire

Please where is this company? I am interested. LOL
SOURCE: livinginbelgrade.com

it. But like I always tell my friends, I am allowed to make mistakes in my choice of a man if I were between the ages of 20-24 years. Yes, I will be pardoned. But I cannot take a wrong turn or miss a step at this age. I haven’t waited this long to settle for less or live the rest of my life in a marriage I will endure. This I believe should be the watch word of any mature single lady.  Sweetie, if you are mature and still single, you are very normal and have not committed a crime or abomination. Keep telling yourself that you are waiting for the best because you deserve the very best.  Those around you will catch up someday. 

In the words of my grandma, God bless her soul, “you have a short while to be a girl and all your life to be a woman” I have modified this to “You have a short time to be single and all your life to be married”  Someone will now say I am busy consoling and deceiving myself. No I am not. What is the use worrying or killing myself over something I cannot change? That is why I have made it a point of duty to truly enjoy and savour the liberty and luxuries that comes with my singlehood; and to be happy in the short while I have. Oh yes there are luxuries!. If you have been in a shitty relationship before like me where you were taken for granted and made to eat CRAP just for the sake of being in a relationship, you will understand what I mean. These truths are bitter but someone has to say them right?

Finally, in the meantime, while we are waiting, can y’all get off our backs?! LOL.

PERSONAL MEDITATION

SOURCE: imgkid.com

THEN GOD LOOKED OVER ALL HE HAD MADE (INCLUDING ME), AND HE SAW THAT IT WAS EXCELLENT IN EVERY WAY. -----Genesis 1 vs 31 (New Living Translation version, addition and emphasis mine)

For a few weeks now I have been mediating on the above scripture.   I have read it countless times before now but it was as if I suddenly understood the true meaning of what that verse meant - that I am excellent/perfect in every way in spite of my flaws. In fact, my flaws are not a surprise to my maker because he is well aware of them before he made me!

This revelation got me thinking for weeks.  Thinking of how much I beat myself up for failing God every time.  It was absolutely not necessary!  I realized that what is important is to see my flawed self the way God sees me -EXCELLENT- and to love myself with all my failings just like he does - UNCONDITIONALLY.

Of course this doesn't mean I am now at liberty to fall short of his righteousness. It means that even when I don't meet up to the kingdom's expectations, God's love and grace is still available. Most importantly HE doesn't see me anymore less than when he first created me. If God had a problem with the way we were, then it wouldn’t be true that we were made in His image and likeness (Gen 1:26) and we cannot be called gods. (Psalm 82:6, John 10:34) But Jesus himself did! Because He knows us more than we know ourselves.

Just last week, my eyes and mind opened to another beautiful verse:

WHEN YOU HAVE CHRIST, YOU ARE COMPLETE….-----Colossians 2 vs 10 (New Life Version)

What?! The word COMPLETE in this verse crowns it all. So in addition to being excellent, I am also complete in Him!  This got me super excited because it means so many things to me. I now understood all over again that I do not need anything/anyone to feel complete. Marriage, material wealth, boyfriend, husband, a fantastic job, children, money, power etc is not what makes a person WHOLE.  Yes all those are important but they do not bring fulfilment. Wholeness can only be found or given by God alone.

So why have I (we) been fretting, running from pillar to post for the things I want, the job I want, meeting the man of my dreams, building the family I crave for, having great friends etc all in the bid to feel complete?

This is the situation most of us Christians find ourselves in. We keep seeking mundane things to fill our void without realizing that our COMPLETION is already given and guaranteed in Christ. In other words, that void in our life has been taken care of. There is no need to look elsewhere.  Absolutely no need.

I am still mediating on these scriptures and each day something new jumps out of them to me. It is all refreshing and amazing seeing myself from a whole new beautiful perspective. I feel as though I am this wonderful painting on God’s own canvass worth an unmentionable amount.

 In the meantime, I have come to the conclusion that we are a bunch of people (Christians) living with so much power that we are ignorant of. I pray that God through the Holy Spirit, will open our eyes of understanding. Amen.

Have a Fab week! xxx