LIFE AS SHE SEES IT- FOR HIM .......by Adesuwa

10.00am

She rolled on her bed at the same time grabbing her pillow, then used it to cover her head..

"Good morning good morning missy miss.." her alarm rang, the tone was that of a parrot with a shrill voice. She made a mental note to change her alarm tone and reached out to silence it.

It was Saturday. Jide had called to let her know that the soup and stew she made for him last week had finished. She had to go make another for him after stopping at the market.

She loved him and was happy to help out.

"Come in!" she called out from under the pillow, someone had knocked and she knew who it was.

"Aunty..good morning. I have made your food" Isi said. She was the housekeeper and cook.

"Good morning. Thanks..I will be down soon" she was tempted to ask her to make a pot of stew and soup, but Jide would go on and on about how she is to prove her love by actually cooking it for him. She got up and set about having getting ready.

When she was done,  she stood in front her mirror and observed. She hoped Jide would like this. He worked with Zenith bank and always told tales about how classy his colleagues looked and expected same from her. She was the daughter of a business mogul after all...even though she was simple at heart and didn't think it was necessary to always dress to the hilt , she loved Jide...what he was asking was not difficult.

11am

No one was at home, her parents were out of the country on vacation, so thankfully she needed not explain or lie about where she was going. Being an only child, she was smothered with loads of care.

She flagged down a taxi and headed to the market. Her feet ached already..so much for heels. She stopped driving to see Jide because he drove a 'baby boy' and hers was a Mercedes 2013 'bullet' as people called it. It worried Jide... she observed.

12.30pm

What happened to prawns? She could not seem to find any, she had walked the length and breadth of the market. Jide loved prawns. She tried not to let stares from the people she walked past bother her...it was not new being a yellow sisi. She gave up the search, he would not mind the slight change today...90% of Nigerians had no prawns to eat...talk more of getting it to eat free of charge.

1pm

She knocked at his door...

'hey babe! am starving! " he said opening the door and hugged her. He stepped back and studied her "you went to the market dressed like this?" She was wearing a turquoise halter neck jump suit and a black pair of stilettos.

She looked down at herself "but you said.." In her opinion she looked stunning.

"You should have gone to the market and then gone home to change " he snickered and shook his head " anyway am starving.. please do your kitchen-magic" he walked back to the sitting room leaving her laden with all she was carrying. Man U is playing.

2.30pm

She served him fried plantain with vegetable stew and fish. She tried to be fast about everything because he was starving.

"Prawns...I see no prawns babe" he noted

"I didn't find any to buy at the market dear"

He sighed...and started eating after he had thought about it for some seconds.

As he finished eating, his phone rang.

"Heyyy my guy...see as we dey score you na!...where you dey?" he laughed "see groove! make I come?...Okay now., I go show"

She could not believe her ears "don't tell me you are going out?!"

"Babe don't start your nagging now.. you know weekend is when I see my boys" he inched closer to her and started caressing her arms. Soon her protests were drowned by his kisses...their clothes came off and they had sex. To her, sex with him had always felt like a chore, she did not enjoy it or see the need for it. She knew it was the wrong thing to do, but she wanted him to be happy...it included faking orgasms.

He collapsed on her and slowly settled to lie by her side...they had started at the couch and ended on the floor. She felt spent and tired.

"Babe" he murmured after some minutes..."let me go and meet my boys...you were great!" he pasted a kiss on her lips and got up "don't forget to take postinor" he shrugged and walked off.

She didn't not say anything but laid there thinking. She came hoping to spend some quality time with him after cooking. She remembered what her friend had said on Thursday "hmm...if a man can't give you love or inspire you to be a better person then at least he would give you money...your so-called Jide here is doing neither! Yet you cook for him, clean his house, shop for him for free! Sleep with him! That's fornication you know?" Then you would be pumping your system with postinor and other drugs... what are you waiting for before you dump him eh? There has to be value added to anyone in a relationship! It has to be something...what are you gaining please?"

She loved Jide...he says he loves her too.

Life Of A Lagos Newbie - HOW NOT TO GET TO MAGODO ON A MONDAY MORNING by Ngozi Ilondu

You know how you hate certain courses in school and convince yourself that they are not relevant to justify your failing them. Well sometimes we were wrong. I am saying this because I hated geography and paid no attention to it but writing this article has made me see its relevance to life or how else am I supposed to explain where the heck Magodo is located in Lagos, Nigeria. But since I know I am not alone in the Geography illiterate club of Nigeria, may I suggest you Google Magodo and figure it out yourself. SO what was I doing, going to Magodo on a Monday morning.

It was a normal Monday morning that had everyone rushing to work on top speed. Bus conductors screaming on top of their voices while raining abuses on whoever crossed their path, a constant reminder to me on why I seriously needed to get a car. To get a car meant I had to wow the panel I was on my way to meet. Yes! I had a presentation that morning. It was one of those job interviews that cared less about what you said and more about you proving yourself. I had worked on my presentation on the task we were given and was fired up, determined to sweep the panel off their feet when I met him. The red eyed, shirtless, hairy armpit conductor who ushered me into the bus that would redefine my idea of a Monday morning. Instead of giving you gist, I will share what I learnt that morning on my way to Magodo for a job interview. Here goes:

DON'T LISTEN TO THE CONDUCTOR: I mean stuff your ears with ear plugs and refuse to dance to their constant tune on how they know where you are going and can take you there. One thing you must plaster on your forehead to survive in Lagos is, “The conductor cares about his money not where you are going.” There are exceptions sometimes though but they are one in a million.

TAKE A BUS THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR: and by that I mean, the moment you realize you haven’t heard the call for the bus that sounds exactly like the directions you were given. Biko kwa, wait there until you hear it or you might just be going to Ibadan without knowing.

DON’T SHED A TEAR: and when you realize that you have entered the wrong bus and stopped at the wrong bus stop with the whole Lagos waiting at the bus park to jump on any bus that stops, Don’t shed a tear. I know crying may seem like the best thing to do right now but it ain’t gonna solve your problem. Try getting a Taxi and if they call a crazy price because they know you are obviously missing your road, enter the next familiar bus.

DON’T BECOME A GOOGLE MAP: When you stop at the next confusing yet familiar bus stop, ASK QUESTIONS! Don’t automatically think you can figure this out on your own. Lagos roads are tricky, ask someone for how to get to magodo from there.

DON’T EXPLORE YOUR TREKKING SKILLS: Before you think trekking will solve your problem and help you figure the way out. Read no. 4 advice o because that road you want to trek will lead you to Maryland, miles away from Magodo.

PATIENCE…DON’T TAKE OFF YOUR EAR PIECE: Before all these happened, you were enjoying great music on your phone, don’t take off the ear piece now and succumb to the frustration gnawing at you. Keep the music playing. You need it to stay sane.

DON’T CRY WHEN YOUR SKIRTS TEARS: and when you realize that the only way to get into the estate where the office is located is through okada and you wore a pencil skirt that rips as soon as you got on the bike, don’t cry. There is always a way out and you will never see it, if you don’t stop crying. Just slowly untuck your cardigan and pull your skirt up. Yes, it may mess up your garb but it will save you for the day.

HOLD ON YOUR MONEY IS IN YOUR BAG: Patience girl, don’t panic now, keep searching your money probably hid under a book, it wasn’t stolen. It’s in there. Pay the bike man and walk away smiling.

And when you are called upon to present, BREATHE IN CONFIDENCE AND BREATH OUT ALL THE ANNOYING HAPPENINGS OF THAT MORNING, GIVE A WONDERFUL PRESENTATION, POUR OUT YOUR INTELLIGENCE AND BOW OUT.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ON YOUR WAY TO MAGODO, WHAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU GOT THERE ON TIME, DELIVERED AN AMAZING PRESENTATION, GOT THE JOB AND NOW ON YOUR WAY TO DRIVING THAT FORD EDGE YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED, CAN I GET AN AMEN!

#Lifefromtheeyesofalagosnewbie 

LEAVE A LEGACY! : LESSONS TO BE LEARNT FROM DR AMEYO STELLA ADADEVOH.....by Mikkie

DR ADADEVOH : Gone in the line of duty

Sometime last week, I read a tribute to Dr Ameyo Stella Adadevoh by Professor Chudi Anselm Odinkalu that really touched my heart in a deep way. (Read the full tribute)  Dr Adadevoh was the brave doctor that made sure Mr. Sawyer was quarantined so that the Ebola Virus Disease (EVD) won’t spread as rapidly to the general populace. To put it in perspective, First Consultant Hospital, where Mr. Sawyer was admitted is in Obalende: the very heart of Lagos. Imagine if Dr Adadevoh and her team did not demand that Mr. Sawyer stay in the hospital, he would have walked out the hospital as a deadly weapon spreading the EVD to the broader public. The ripple effect would have produced far graver consequences than what we are grappling with now.

Dr Ameyo Stella Adadevoh and her colleagues literally acted as human shield for the whole country. They put their lives at risk by doing this huge service to humanity and indeed the whole country owes them respect. They saved a nation and for this act, they should be honored as national heroes.

As I read the tribute to Dr Adadevoh and the comments that followed, I was just in awe of the kind of human being she was. You could tell that she lived an authentic life – one that genuinely cared for people and made a meaningful impact in the lives she encountered every day. She exhibited a kind of excellence that flowed in everything she did; especially in the way she interacted and dealt with her family, career, and people.   

It made me question what kind of legacy I want to leave in this world. What will people remember me for?

As human being we need to constantly ask these deep questions so that we can intentionally live our lives in such a way that we stay true to ourselves. As women, it is important that we put what is paramount to us in front of our mind. It is very easy to be carried away by the numerous worries of life that we lose focus of what truly matters to us.  Thus, identity matters! Knowing who you are and clearly defining the type of character you want to exhibit is key in leaving a lasting legacy. These days, a lot of things are craving to define who we are: society, family, fear, friends, social media etc. and because we want to play to the gallery, we allow ourselves to be deceived.

To be honest, it is not easy to live an authentic life in this day and age. I mean, must everybody know I failed woefully in my attempt in business or that TDH guy left me hanging dry or I didn’t get that great job that everybody was convinced it was practically mine.  My sister, I know.  It is not easy! We are so used to having this “I-got-it-all-together” mentality that it has clouded our view of life and made us lose sight of traits that really count. Like passion, vision, perseverance, and sacrifice. For real, is it such a bad thing to fail? At least you tried. Or aren’t there other fishes in the river?

My dear, relax! Life is too short to waste. We must strive to make it count. Every day is surely a battle, but victory is certainly within our grasp.

So I ask “what are you going to do TODAY to make your life better and be one step closer to your dreams”?

Dr Ameyo Stella Adadevoh, in my book, is a hero. Even though I never met her, she has touched my life in many ways I cannot possibly express. Just because she chose to truly live! Death may have taken her life too soon, but it can never take away the lasting legacy she left behind: a sacrificial heart that saved a nation! This is what she will be remembered for.

I am reminded to live authentically! To live fully! To live out loud!

Will you?

Miriaku Obioha a.k.a. Mikkie is a contributor for Red Velvet.  Read more from her on her blog http://www.miriakuobioha.blogspot.com/

LIFE AS SHE SEES IT....BELIEVABLE (inspired by a true story) BY ADESUWA

The reception had been very successful. It started immediately after they finished from church.  Overflowing with gifts, choicest food, wines and souvenirs. The bride and groom had danced to their hearts content... It was a relief to friends and family that they had finally tied the knot. The couple appeared to be so much in love the way they held hands, whispered to each other, kissed and laughed...it made one want to marry fast.

A surprise after-party was organised for them by their close friends at the couple's new home...

The party was winding down…at a corner of the garden a lady was having chitchat with her friend when a man walked up to them.

"What are you two doing? " he demanded.

"We were talking about.." she smiled and started explaining excitedly.

He didn't listen and turned to her friend "what are you discussing with her?!"

Her friend couldn't answer.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked clearly confused

"Are you asking me? You are asking me?!" he grabbed her hand and drew her as he walked inside the house.

"Leave me alone! Leave me! What has come over you?" She tried to lower her voice so as not to attract attention.

He didn't flinch, but led her to a room and locked the door. " you are my wife! I would not watch you play around with men! I have been warning you!"

"What in the world are you talking about? Since when did discussions translate to playing around? I was only chatting with him!" She was hysteric

"You are my wife!" he shouted

"And I know that" she shouted back and turned away from him

"Look at me when am talking to you!" he dragged her back

She made to push him, but he caught her hands and slapped her hard.

She cried out and lunged at him, blowing him with her small hands…"how dare you lay your hands on me! What has come over you?" She drew back and pulled off her wedding ring and threw it at him " I am sick of you already!" 

He had always been a jealous man, at first she thought it was love. She married him to save her the hassles of being a single mom. She still had feelings for him too...but for how long would she continue like this...she had hoped it would get better in marriage, but the reality of her life in the next 10 years was staring at her in the face. All of a sudden she felt she had taken enough.

"pick that ring up! " he thundered

"I will not!" and she turned around to leave. She got to the door and found it locked and then she remembered that he locked it. "Give me the keys!" she demanded and whirled around to look at him, as she did she heard the sound of glass.

He was holding a broken bottle "I married you to own you! I am talking to you and you have the audacity to walk away?!" he was shaking with rage.

A grave feeling came her..."what are you doing?.." she whispered. It used to be shouts, blows...she had learnt to handle all that over time...but a bottle?

As he came close to her she took steps back. "I would give you a taste of what you want!", he said as he raised the bottle in his hand.

With her eyes wide open, she fell to her knees "Ade please!...our child....stop this.."

She couldn't describe what she saw in his eyes but felt raw pain when he stabbed her arm and then her stomach. She screamed in anguish and tried to block the stabs with her hands, as she did each of them got sliced with the bottle...He didn't seem to hear her cries or screams. He was like a beast with no heart.

He stabbed her continuously... while shouting "you brought this on yourself! You are my wife!" he appeared to be possessed, no emotions in his eyes...they were dead cold.

She struggled at first but as he kept stabbing her, she felt the bottle go into her sides... and then her right hip..she gave up the fight, "Ade" she whispered.

She soon laid helpless as the jagged bottle went in and out of her body with pieces of flesh laced around its edges.

Life ebbed slowly from her... she faintly heard someone shouting 'he has killed her o!" she was going .

As she took in laboured breaths she ran her hands slowly across her gown, her hand stopped midway across her chest...she had no more strength. She remembered how much it had cost. Now it was soaked in her blood. She closed her eyes, she felt cold and could not move, she soon felt some one shake her and was crying. "Keep him away from my daughter" she said in her mind but couldn't say the words "Lord have mercy on me". She had thought of her life in the next ten years...now she was not even sure she  had ten seconds left.

"She is dead!!!" someone shouted.

Ade stood transfixed...and watched as two of their friends tried to rush his victim to the hospital...what had he done? When did he do it? What was he thinking? Her sister flung herself at him, wailing and hitting him with all her strength "You killed her you scumbag! I warned her but she would not listen! Today of all days!...you are the devil...!" she said crying, makeup mixed with tears smeared her face...she still had her gown on. She was the Chief bridesmaid.

He looked stunned, he could not feel her palms hitting him..his eyes were transfixed on his wife, the love of his life..the only woman who could bear his excesses...now she was being carried out of the room.

After 7 years and a child, he got over himself and finally decided to marry her.

He had just killed her on their wedding day.

---

Things i wish many parents to know (part 1)

 My Second post is about an issue that is very important to me , and that is parenting, but unlike many books published in the world i am going to take this issue from the perspective of the child ,it will not be agreeable to all and sunder, but if Jesus can consider looking at life's point of view from the point of the child , it is very possible that he saw something , we are not seeing.
     I live in a continent ,a country and a society, that does not take the role of parents lightly, like the powers given to the male gender over women,  the parents are almost given an almost god like position of not being disrespected , not insulted  but most importantly not confronted , i am in my late 20's and i can testify i have never confronted my mother, in all my years , many of my close counterparts who live in other continents are normally in awe when i mention it , cause compared to us they are allowed to be more open and expressive.......maybe too expressive , instead of making judgement i like to analyze observe and pick many of these methods that acceptable and understand how they work. As i reach the age where i comfortably say i am ready for marriage and children of my own i have decided to accept certain truths and started laying down my own rules of parenting which by no means demean the way i was trained but will be definitely different , so to all my singles who will soon be parents, to all the new parents and maybe many veterans of this honorable but hectic job, this is my tea on this matter 

1.  "Parenting is a selfless job"
    In Africa , i notice that parents train their children so they can grow up and take care of them , even though i will consider any child who was well brought up and provided the basic necessities of life completely ungrateful , if they do not show a high level of appreciation to their parents, for all they have suffered to give them the life they  have . I find it laughable that parents bring children into this world ,  after years suffering ,delayed birth ( i  refuse to accept any woman is barren ) miscarriages, prayers and fasting, insults from MONSTERS IN-LAWS and Society to bring children into the world only to hold them to emotional blackmail all of their lives. Parents should bring up their children cause they love them , not because they are a business investment that will reap from after they come off age. 
  I have met many women and men who have ruined their lives , stopped pursuing their dreams , lost all sense of self principle and self esteem cause , their parents made them to understand that they will be no where without them, statements like ''i carried you for nine months '' ''what if i aborted you?'' '' i trained you'' bare no lies in them ,but why would you say that to a child , who did not ask to come to this world. Why would you hold your child to ransom for the rest of their lives because you trained them, no child deserves to come to this world with such a burden, they should come to this world expecting to be loved , trained and protected and grow up to willingly take of their parents cause they love them ..not because they owe them. No one should get it wrong every parent should enjoy the fruits of their labor after years of struggle , especially when you see what parents with emphasis to what single  parents have to deal with , but let children end up doing it with a heart of long term appreciation than a payback, tit-for tat attitude .

2. "Parents is not the time to live your life" 
     The statement above is very misleading , but  see what i have to say. No one has a right to tell anyone how or when to live their lives , i am an individualist by nature and  i admire people who live their lives to the beatings of their own drums, because it takes a lot of courage to do that. I am also a lady who believes that even marriage should not stop one from pursuing their dreams whether its education, a career or just travelling round the world , nothing should tie you down, but when you become a parent it is ill advisable for a woman or man to live their lives in reckless abandonment as  if they where still single , because everything you do now has a direct and also an indirect impact on the life of your child /children.
People always ask me , why i am taking time in the areas of marriage..well to state the obvious i am looking for my Mr Imperfectly Right , and secondly because i want to be sure that i am ready for the responsibility that comes with it, especially for single women who are career oriented , the marriage does not start on the wedding day and end on the  honeymoon night, it gets less easier from there, that is why i am frustrated that single ladies have allowed pressure and society to push us into an institution, they are not mentally matured for and after the birth of their first child they get frustrated , its something i always envied about men , have you ever noticed that men , only get married  , WHEN THEY ARE READY? ,they spend most of their 20's hustling, partying, living life , living free ,having an adventure, their early 30's putting their lives together an by 33 to 35 they are ready to be committed. A singer once said something that got me hooked ,  guess...lol its not Elton John or Whitney Houston, nope it was Beyonce , what she said on Oprah was;

"You got to live your life before you become someones wife "

Cool quote huh? but soooo true , that is why there is a time to be single , even the bible says , ''there is time for everything" ,it is the time to be selfish ,to do you, you are not living  for anyone but yourself , which is why i am so surprised that being single is often stigmatized by society and that time of ones life is not taken proper advantage off . Parents feel they can live their lives, of-course you can live your life, you only live once , but  the next time  you want to make statements like ;

" Just because i have kids does not mean i am in prison" or " if my children can live their lives i can live mine" keep at the back of your mind , that you are answerable to your children and any good or bad action you take will affect them positively or negatively.

Phew .....that was quite the write up, if you agree or don't, feel free to argue for or against my write up in the comment section, there will be more on this topic on my next post, i wish you an amazing day...

Love 

FAITH .N

WHILE YOU WAIT…

I find it funny and annoying that some ladies think of marriage as a life time achievement. I mean, some of us literally live and breathe just to get married. Oh no, do not get me wrong. I do think and talk about marriage too and I am excitedly looking forward to mine. My close friends know I am a hopeless romantic! My point is, some single ladies actually think that marriage is the only thing that will “complete” them, make them happy or fulfilled.

No. I disagree

Marriage to me is just an aspect of your life so why sit and wait for it to happen like it is all you are living for or all you need? What happens to the other areas of your life that require attention? I read and see pretty ladies remain in abusive relationships all because they think the man is their ONLY ticket to a ring. When I say abusive, I mean both physical and verbal abuse, we may not realise it but, verbal abuse does more harm irreparable harm than physical abuse does. It is baffling to see a lady sit tight in a relationship where a man talks down at her, destroying her self-confidence, self-esteem and making her live in fear all for a proposal. Sigh…

Honey, you will regret that marriage when it happens because it won’t get better.

I do not subscribe to putting your whole life on pause just because you are nearly 30 years old and waiting to get married or in some cases, looking for a man to get hooked to. You shouldn’t even be looking! Trust me, life doesn’t revolve around marriage alone.

Get busy with yourself and stop being afraid of being alone. There is a huge difference between being ALONE and being LONLEY. Being alone for me is a very good phase that should be used wisely. It is:

•  the time where you should channel your energy into discovering and developing your personality; 
• improving on your potentials; time to accomplish personal goals and pursue a variety of interests;
•  learn a new skill that will come in handy tomorrow; pursue those business ideas u have and start becoming financially independent;
•  time to upgrade your CV –there are a lot of free online courses out there etc
•  Invest. You might not have much, but you can invest time and small resources in people around you who require it. There are also investment houses too around. It's not too early to start a personal pension scheme.
• Discover talents you didn't know you had.
• Keep re-inventing yourself.

 Being single isn't bad. it is not a curse. It's a time when you get a life! …Don’t get lost in the shadow of others, living life as carbon copies when you are created as an original.

If you are not happy now as a single lady, if you are overly anxious, frustrated or impatient, chances are that marriage won’t help you. You will simply take those problems/wrong attitudes of yours into your marriage and frustrate the poor man too. So while you wait, why don’t you work on yourself, your emotions and attitudes?

The pressure society puts on ladies have coloured our reasoning. So I can understand the phase of creating loneliness when there is none because you are not in a relationship or marriage.

 Snap out of it. I mean it's good to wonder but worrying won't bring him faster you know? If you are lonely because you do not have a boyfriend or a husband, I believe there is a problem. It means you have too much time on your hands and you aren’t busy enough! Yes! There are a thousand and one things to do to keep busy. Just do something! You are too beautiful to be wasting precious time.

Again, do not get me wrong. I think of marriage and babies, I think of weddings. A lot. In fact I have all my plans in my head. (Let’s hope the lucky man agrees to them. Lol)  but I will not fold my arms and wait for prince charming. HELL NO!

Ruth in the bible was busy working with her hands in the field when Boaz found her and today she is in the lineage of Jesus. (Ruth 2:2-9, 4:13-22). Note the emphasis on the words 'busy' and 'found'. Now you get my drift?

Honey, please do not just sit and wait. Get busy while you wait!

Remember, only God can fill a void. Not marriage.

Have a FAB weekend!

Love, always,

Ella….xxx

WHAT ARE YOU GUARDING?

It was Thursday evening, 8pm. After a long day at the library, I got on the bus to go home. Two stops later, a bunch of girls, about five of them (between 15-17years) hopped on the bus. Some very noisy kids. All I wanted to do was to scream at them to be quiet because I had a throbbing headache. But this is the UK where everyone minds their business. Young people here are not known to be respectful to elders let alone me who looks like their age mate sef. (too much civilisation I suppose)

But in my tired state I couldn’t help but notice something. They all wore skimpy clothes; bum shorts, crop tops, minis. Everything was just small as though the materials used were borrowed and not enough to make a complete outfit. Lol. This is summer and the heat is a good excuse to go naked here. Honestly, a part of me wished I could be daring enough to do same but I know my mother will see me in her dream 8,000 miles away in Abuja and strangle me if I tried. Lol. But personally it’s not my style.

I noticed another thing. They all had their phones nicely protected in cute cases. And as I watched them, the irony of it hit me. We take out time and money to clothe/protect the things that matter so little but prefer to leave the one thing that needs all the protection exposed. Our bodies.

Isn’t that weird? It seems our gadgets: iphone, ipads,tablets even nokia phones these days get to wear decent clothing more than we ourselves all in the name of fashion. Hey, am not judging them or anyone here, it is just something that got me reflecting that day.

The entertainment industry to me has done more harm than good to our generation in terms creating wrong impressions. The few that seem like they have a message come out with videos littered with scantily clad ladies shaking their “assets” let alone the countless ones that sing (rudely) only of a woman’s body. Even a regular advert of a wrist watch has a semi-nude lady in it. Celebrities that people look up now go nude to events (e.g sister riri) and we think it’s normal. Where has values, modesty and responsibility all gone to?

We may not know, but i believe this has affected the society in more ways than one. It has cheapened women (even those who are decent) generally in the eyes of men so much so that it has made sex an easy commodity. Men as we know are easily moved by what they see, now add supple, fresh flesh to what they are seeing every day and everywhere and we are simply putting “sex” on the front burner of their heads and minds and equally giving the illusion that we are sex objects, diminishing our worth.

It has indirectly affected some of our relationships because if you won’t play ball, another girl will be more than willing to do so. We have made it look like sex is easy to get on the streets with our dressing. Still wondering why rape and assault of women are on the rise? Oh well… The new rave of scanty dressing has also created a false impression that decent is crap and most young girls are falling over themselves to expose more flesh. It has de-emphasised the need for brains added to beauty.

In my opinion, a woman can be fully clothed and still be super SEXY (is that not the aim of a girl going half naked?). A man will see a Muslim woman fully wrapped up in her hijab and still be turned on if he likes/wants you. He doesn’t need to see all that flesh to be. No decent man is or should be genuinely attracted to nakedness in the first place. Those ones are seen as play things by them. (Why then does a girl get upset when a man throws a sexual innuendo at her when her dressing attracted it? The way you are dressed is the way you are addressed! ) Isn’t it best then to leave them to imagine what is beneath than baring it all out for the world to see? Where then is the excitement of discovery for the man if everything you have is on display?

If things are this bad now, I hate to imagine what the generation of our children will do. Ah! I dey fear o. Let’s set our priorities right, become more responsible, place more value on ourselves as women and set the proper standard for our children. We cannot afford to fail them.

Modesty should be the watch word.

Stop guarding your gadgets!

Guard your body.

Love always,

Ella…xxx

LIFE AS SHE SEES IT : EBOLA et al........by Adesuwa

"Get up joor! Dey there dey sleep like fowl!"Lisa hit her room mate's feet that peeked out of the duvet and pulled at them.

"Leave me jare" Eniola murmured. After having been awake all night, disturbance was not welcome.

It was 1pm.

Lisa climbed the bed and dragged away the pillow Eniola was hugging.

"Lisa what is it?"

"Hmmmm. It’s this ebola stuff o!"

Eniola shot up, quickly shifting away from Lisa. "Huh? You are ill or something?"

"Abegi, so if I get am now, na so you go pick race abi?" Lisa eyed her

Eniola held her chest and sighed. "No be so.."

"See, how we wan take dey do our runs? Ebola has entered Lagos o and we are in Lagos!!" Lisa said like 'being in Lagos' was not obvious.

"What are you talking about?"Eniola was still sleepy

"Hmmmm, you know after I left you yesterday, that guy I told you about..the one I said spoke in a funny way, he called me. I gladly went because from the way he sounded when he called I just felt he would pay well. He took me to Valencia's where we were going to get down, next thing a call came and he went out to receive it.  He left his stuffs on one of the pillows, plus his international passport. Hmmm...I don't even know why I did, but I looked through his passport and lo! He had recently been at Sierra leone!!!"Lisa clapped her hands

"Ehen? Sierra Leone is still 'abroad' now..." Eniola started saying and then she caught herself "Oh! wait o!  Is that not the main place where the virus is finishing people?"

"Yes o! Eni mehn! I didn't do again." Lisa raised her arms.

"Huh?"

"I just picked my bag and left o! I no wan die! Funny enough I thought I would see him outside the room or something, I don prepare to shout to say he try to stop me. If you see as I take run commot for that hotel eh?! He has been calling my phone since like say them send am come!"

"Ahnahn? Was 'ebola' written on the passport too? Or on his forehead? Kini? Shey you said, he said he works at mobil? So you forfeited good money because of fear?" Eniola could not believe her ears.

"What are you saying sef? So I should have done it even with the risk involved?"

"E get time wey risk no dey involved?"

Lisa kept quiet for some seconds "ehh but see, that's why I am discussing with you. What would we do?" She was serious "I don't know any other way to make money eh?Are we going to be telling our clients to bathe with medicated soap before action and we too would bathe or how?"

Eniola looked away. First she was trying to imagine how much Lisa had passed on, but then again Lisa had a point. She whispered "See me o! That's true. And I had two lebanese guys yesterday." The truth is she was not sure of their nationalities, they were just white-skinned and good 'magas'.

Lisa heard her "hian! You no dey fear sef? I am scared of my hands not to talk of 'lebanese'. Shebi na foreign person carry am come lagos?" She was not sure. With the hypertensive kinds of news that the media reports these days, it felt safer to hang on to 'word on the streets'.

"Woh, na God dey protect person abeg. If ebola fit kill us, even boko haram fit reach us too. Anyhow we take do am risk dey."Eniola murmured, got up from the bed and stretched. Stopping 'runs' now was not even an option. She had promised to send some money home this week, so her father could start renovating the family house and she could not even imagine adjusting to a penniless lifestyle. On the scale of the levels of 'runs babes' they were in the middle class. She made N250,000 last night., even some bankers don't earn that much in two months. She shuddered as she remembered all she did to earn that amount.  Her 'shit hole' still ached, they insisted on going through that way. She silently asked for God's mercy...afterall He's ever merciful.

"Hey girls!" Another lady came in to the room, She was all smiles. "See as you na leave the main door open? And no body dey parlour"

"Linda Babe! Na wa to you o! Na so e sweet?!" Eniola hailed "see when you are coming back since yesterday"

"Hmmm, Money over everything o!" Linda laughed

"I feel you!" Eniola hooted

Linda walked to the bed and placed her Victoria Beckham handbag carefully on the bed. She glanced at Lisa who was yet to say anything.  "Lisa? Wetin dey do you?"

Lisa looked worried and shifted on the bed.

"Don't mind Lisa jare. Ebola dey do am. She dey fear. Imagine the babe asking me what we would do with our clients? unto say ebola dey town" Eniola went on to recount Lisa's story to Linda.

"Hmmmm, me sef reason this matter o. E no go easy. Wetin we go do now? I just tire for this life. If no be Boko haram, then na ebola go kill person join wetin dey ground! Well na to bathe and wash our hands everytime with medicated soap now, then to stop eating bush meat. Even 'suya' is suspect too o"

Anyone who listened to the three of them speak would think they lacked proper education. They were all University graduates. After studying economics and had combed the town for jobs to no avail, they settled for 'runs' when life became very difficult. They had been friends since they met at the University of Ife and were in the same class. Their line of business entailed living fake lives - fake accent, hair, nails, careers...there was nothing they could not feign or lie about.  Eniola had always been the leader of the pack, urging them on with her philosophy that  "men just cannot resist flashy babes".

"Only? What about our clients?" Lisa asked

"We would try to tell them to do same. Or do you have another suggestion?" Linda was impatient

"Woh! Woh! Life continues! You may not have ebola, but Boko Haram go fit still kill you!" Eniola retorted

"You no add poverty?" Linda interjected

"Yes and that too! We would just take necessary precautions and pray." Eniola said "or shey if them give you  one million naira cash you no go take? Or hasn't it occurred to you that ebola carriers too would touch and spend money?" She looked at the clock "its 1.30pm already...Chief and co are coming in today. We need to get ready. Don't derail us with your worries abeg".

Lisa sighed deeply. Every thing around her screamed 'ebola', her skin felt funny... She remembered how she rushed home to bathe after she had left the mobil man. Sshe rubbed her arms idly and sighed again. Yet she needed to survive. "God dey" she whispered to herself.

"Bia! Lisa this one that you are doing one kain, you sure say that bobo no infect you?!" Linda joked.

Eniola laughed out loud and left the room "ebola ko, E. Bola ni".

N.B With the talks and reality of the 'Ebola virus', it’s really dampening to think that it affects our very being. One can only hope that the events of our time would give us reasons to choose to live good lives. You may want to argue that everything is a risk these days, but who would lose from bad choices? That question is yours to answer.

 GOD is with us. 

Best Regards

ADESUWA

FOR LADIES ONLY...

So today I thought I should talk about something different. The Face. Most ladies, like me, are particular about our faces and how we look and this is why we constantly use all sorts of make up (even if it is only white powder) to enhance the face. Except for some exceptionally few who are blessed with blemish and acne free faces even when they do nothing, most of us battle with breakouts and acne. Below I will list out some simple every day tips on how to keep the face smooth and clear at least to a large extent.

Please note that I do not claim to be a dermatologist or do i have the best of faces/skin but i have definitely seen a big improvement since I started a routine few months ago and i think you guys can pick one or two tips from it.

The face is said to be one of the most sensitive parts of the body so I will suggest that if you do not have a face routine, start one. A simple one won’t hurt. If you already have a routine, be sure it is the right one for your skin. There are loads of information out there on what will best suit you.  Read and feel free to share your routine below too so we can all learn. Also, click the links below if you want to read further. Thanks!

TIPS ON HOW TO MAINTAIN A SMOOTH AND CLEAR FACE

Start a daily face-washing routine.

Some say wash in the morning and at night. Personally I think it all depends on your skin type. I have a dry to normal skin so I wash only at night as I do not have a lot of oil to wash off. In the morning I just use water. What is important is consistency. A wash routine includes the following:

ü  Wash your face with a gentle cleanser or exfoliator. Avoid scrubbing too hard or using rough washcloths. These may irritate your skin and cause blemishes to stay on your face longer.

ü  Use a toner (optional). If your skin is dry, not combination or oily, you can skip this step. Alcohol-free toners are the best as they do not dry up your skin. However, it is best to get a toner that fits your skin type. Toner helps firm and tighten your skin as it wipes away dirt in your pores. Example of toners are witch hazel, rose water etc.

ü  Moisturize every time you wash your face, shave, or simply need the extra moisture. If you tend to have oily skin, you save the heavy moisturizing for night time and use a light one in the morning.

ü  Remove your makeup every night. Yes, this can be hard to do especially if you're very tired, but it pays off. Pick up makeup removal wipes at the drug store and use them when you're too exhausted to do the whole routine.

ü  Use a different towel for your face other than your general body towel. This at first doesn’t make sense but think of it this way: we use our towels generally to dry our thighs, the vagina area, feet and under the feet, etc after bathing and we still use this same towel to clean our faces. mmmhmn, now u are thinking what am thinking? Bacteria (even though healthy) resides in some of these places especially the vagina area and will automatically transmit to sensitive areas like the face! So why don’t you get a separate (small) face cloth for your face to use instead?

Don't pick your pimples!

Oh! I have learnt this lesson the hard way which bits of scars to show. I cannot see a pimple and let it rest. But it's not a good idea to pick your pimples. It may be tempting if that pimple is staring at you in the face for a day or two, but it's really not worth it. Picking your pimples can have adverse effects.

ü  It can cause blemishes. Blemishes are inflammations in the epidermis and dermis, the outer and inner layers of your skin. It takes longer for the blemishes to heal when they are popped, so stay brave and resist the urge!

ü  It could leave a scar behind. Pimples are temporary, but scars are forever. If you want smooth skin, don't make it harder on yourself by picking pimples.

ü  Don't touch your face. The oils and dirt from your hands will transfer to your face and can easily clog pores. Keeping your hands from your face will also help you break the habit of picking pimples.

ü  If u have acne you can try getting a Benzoyl peroxide lotion or spot treatment. If your acne is moderate or severe, you can find lotion products containing benzoyl peroxide that you apply evenly over your face, usually at night time. You can also find benzoyl peroxide in spot treatment formulas.

ü  If the above does not work, see a dermatologist.

 Use fresh makeup and brushes.

Makeup, like food, gathers bacteria and eventually go bad. If you've been using the same powders, blush, eyeshadow and mascara for over 6 months, it's probably time to throw everything out and start over. Your skin will thank you for it!

The only exception to this is brushes—these can be cleaned, not thrown away. Simply use your shampoo or an unscented soap to give them a warm bath thoroughly every 2 weeks or so. Leave the brushes out to air dry throughout the day and overnight.

Drink plenty of water.

 Aha! Trust me you won’t know how hard this is until you put an effort to do it. Aim to put down 6 to 8 full glasses of water a day, and you'll notice a difference in your skin. The extra fluid makes it easier for you to flush out toxins and waste.

ü  Ladies: aim to drink at least 2.2 liters, or nine cups of water a day. Last month I tried to do 2.5 liters a day and I aim to do 3 liters a day this month. Phew! If you're having trouble drinking that much, cut out all sugary drinks from your diet entirely and drink water with your meals instead. that could be one of your goals this month!

ü  Guys: aim to drink at least three liters, or 13 cups, of water a day.

ü  The lighter color your pee, the less water you need to drink. When your pee is clear, you're in the clear. When your pee is yellow, it's time to drink more water.

Sleep smart.

You might be getting dirt and oil on your face while you're sleeping without even realizing it. Try these tricks to minimize your risk:

ü  Change out your pillowcase at least once a week. Your pillowcase collects dust, saliva, and other grime, which make it onto your face every time you sleep. So change them or wash regularly for best results.

ü  Pull your hair back. Braid back long hair, and keep bangs or fly-aways out of your face with a headband. This way your hair won't irritate your face while you sleep.

ü  Get your beauty rest! Sleep deprivation and stress can manifest as bad skin, so make sure you're getting 7 to 8 hours of quality rest every night.

Have a healthy diet and exercise routine.

A lot of us do not realize that this affects almost everything about us mentally and physically. A diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains will help your body and skin stay healthy. Besides, exercising is a fantastic way to get rid of stress and to keep blood-flow pumping.

ü  Try to eat foods that give you the right kind of energy. Although the scientific community isn't in total agreement, diets rich in sugar and refined (or "white) carbohydrates have been linked to more pimple breakouts than diets rich in protein, vegetables, and grains. However, what is clear is that eating vegetables (cabbage, tomatoes, broccoli, ugu, etc), protein (white meat, fish, nuts), and grains (brown rice,oats, wheat) are healthier for you. And what's healthy for you is probably better for your skin!

ü  Drink green tea. You can purchase this from any big departmental store. Green tea is full of antioxidants and nutrients that can help your body fight acne and also aids digestion. Specialists say we should aim to drink 2 to 3 glasses of green tea a day for optimum results but I manage 1-2 cups a day because the taste isn’t so great. However, u can always add honey to sweeten.

ü  Run, walk, swim. Do whatever exercise makes you feel good. Exercise in general will help reduce the amount of stress your body generates over the course of the day and stress will cause pimples. You don’t have to drive all the time to go buy bread or take a cab to your friend’s house if it’s a walkable distance. Walking just 15 minutes a day is a great improvement over standing still. So in order to get that clear, smooth skin your body deserves, hit the gym, fire up the treadmill, or swim. Your body will thank you!

I hope these tips helps someone today. There are really no hard and fast rules but put an effort to do the basics- wash, eat well and exercise. Please note that maintaining your skin is not limited to these tips alone. Read up as much as u can and be informed!

Have a weekend as FAB as you!

Love, always,

Ella...xxx

*** culled from- www.wikihow.com 

other links- http://www.livestrong.com/article/179816-how-to-take-care-of-black-skin/ 

      

http://www.laroche-posay.com/article/10-golden-rules-to-help-you-take-care-of-your-skin-on-an-everyday-basis/a248.aspx

 http://www.livestrong.com/article/543584-how-to-get-naturally-clear-glowing-skin-for-black-woman/

http://www.makeupgeek.com/makeup-basics/how-to-clean-your-makeup-brushes-like-a-pro/