HOW TO MAKE A GUY BREAK UP WITH YOU!.......BY ACHENYO ALFA

Have you ever been in that position where you want to break up with a guy but he won't let go or you want to make it look like he was the one that ended the relationship? Here are some classic ways to break up with a guy some of which I have tried before. Remember, if you should try this, I am not liable for the resultant effects. :)

1. "It's not you, it’s me"

Source: someecards.com

Don't we all know this one? It's a classic and an all time favourite. Just call the guy up and tell him, "I think we should take a break for now because I need to figure some things out. It's not you; it’s me. You're a great person but I have so many issues I'm dealing with right now. Perhaps, when I work them out...?"

Ha! Unless the guy is dull brained or so in love with you, he will have to understand that you are ready to break up and move on.

2. Go Spiritual (A)

Source: claritywithlaurenlansen.com

This is classic especially in Nigeria where people are superstitious and believe in many strange things. Just tell him, you had a dream and it was like you guys were together as a couple and walking on the street; when you entered your house, a man began to shout at your boyfriend(soon to be ex) asking him what he was doing with you because you were his wife and had three children for him. Suddenly, they both began to fight and the man burnt your boyfriend's house etc and told your boyfriend(soon to be ex, of course) that bad things were going to start happening to him. When you tell him the dream, maybe something bad just happened to him- like his engine got knocked up or his side mirror got broken or water flooded his house. Ah, no one will tell him that you have a spirit husband who's jealous. He'll break up with you sharp sharp especially after several deliverance prayers with no change. Haha!

3. Go Spiritual (B)

Another dimension to being spiritual. Just become very spiritual. When he calls you, tell him your friend took you to a prayer house and you'll call him back later. Don't talk to him for two days, then let him know you had a period of "seclusion" and the prophetesses or "visioners" (yep, not visionaries) said he was the destined one to bring your afflictions and family's suffering to an end. Honestly, I know a girl who tried this- honest although she wasn't doing it to drive the man away. She actually went to prayer houses and they told her the brother in church was her husband even though he was had gotten engaged twice or thrice within that period. Omo, the guy took off from her because she said weird stuff and he's married now, four years and counting. As at the time, she believed he would come back to her but now...she's ready to marry someone else.

4. Become Needy

Source: memebase.com

Oh yes. When you have a boyfriend who won't get that it's the end of the road for you, just become needy. Don't give him the space to breathe. Call him up almost every minute. Be with him all day long. Make sure when he's watching Arsenal, you want to watch Telemundo.(even if you don't like it). When you go to the cinema, don't watch an action flick; go for something weepy and romantic. Cry for no just cause; drag him away from his friends; tell him to take you to the market, the salon, your friend's bridal shower and make him stay there with you while you shop or make your hair or  wait for you while you're partying with your friends.

Be in his face. Do it constantly for 2 weeks (if he survives that long) and see what happens. He'll call you one day and say, "Babe, please give me the opportunity to miss you."

5. Be Materialistic

Source:www.bellaniaja.com/pininterest

Some men call it high maintenance. Do it with style. Show him that he may not be able to provide for you and even if he can, let him think you like money too much. One girl I know went with her boyfriend to get a flat screen TV from Samsung. As soon as he picked it out, she told him, "Oh, you can but a TV to take to your home in the village but you can't buy one for my house? And you have money?” Guy had to buy a bigger one for her. Guess what? First he stopped coming out with his atm card because if they just passed, Vina Furniture, she'd say, "I need something from here" Or if they went to Amigo, she would pick a clock or mirror that cost a lot of money. When he found out that she made sure she reminded him about his atm card before they went out, he stopped taking her out. See, guys like you to ask but not so often and anyhow. You wanna break up with one? Show him that you want to spend his money!

6. Become Marriage Obsessed

Source: someecards.com

If you've been dating a sweet good guy for a few months but know you can't tell him to his face that you guys can't be together, and then become marriage obsessed. Say random things like:

Girl: December or March, next year? Choose one.

Guy:  Why?

Girl: For our wedding next year.

Girl: Orange and peach or Lavender and Gold?

Guy: You want to buy a dress?

Girl: No, I’m picking out the colours for our traditional wedding.

Girl; Hey, Honey. I’m thinking next weekend.

Guy: For what?

Girl: To meet your Dad and Mum.

Guy: What are you reading?

Girl: Names and meanings

Guy: Don't you know the meaning of your name?

Girl: It's for our children. We'll name them Reuben, Manasseh and Ephraim

Well, you get the picture.

The dude will disappear as fast as he can!

7. Become Conan the Destroyer!

Source:mythicscribes.com

Work up a little argument and just begin to thrash round him. Break his phones, smash his ipad, break his windscreen, become a little demon. When he calculates how much he's losing to keep you as a girlfriend, he'll empty you like a sack of potatoes and flee. Just be careful that he doesn't become Conan the barbarian and beat you up o! Don't come and blame me o!

 That's a few ways to get him to do your dirty job for you! Let me know other ways you can do that!

Achenyo is a lawyer, writer, editor, compere, PR, Strategist and also a Customer Service Activist. Although she serves in HR, Admin and Legal of a firm in Abuja, she's successfully edited three published books to date, engaged in radio voice overs and dramas and helped coordinated PR projects for a few individuals. 

Achenyo also runs a blog called ACHENYO'S WALL. When she's not reading, she likes day dreaming, talking, cooking and anything chocolate!