WHILE WE WERE ALL POLITICKING….

If I say I am glad the elections are over, I will be lying. I am actually more than SUPER GLAD it has all come and gone. In the past few weeks we have done nothing but talk about nothing else but the elections. I had no inspiration whatsoever to write. It felt as though as my brain was on pause like most work places were because of the elections. By the way, most of these offices say they are now waiting for May 29^th before job applications and contracts can be attended to. Don’t we always love to find a good reason for our ineptitude?

We cannot deny that this is by far the most interesting election we have had as a nation filled with everything you can find in an A-rated Hollywood movie: suspense, action, intrigues, thrilling, hilarious etc. Beginning with the much anticipated presidential elections which brought about mind-bulging arguments and analysis of the prominent actors, their parties and their loyalists/followers; to the wonderful comedy performed by Orubebe; to Jega’s display of extreme calmness (kai, that man must be from Pluto!) ;to GEJ’s heroic CALL; to the outrageous comment made by the monarch (which some people think should be swept under the carpet all in the name of moving on) which sparked a lot of wires, raised eyebrows, opened old wounds and brought the Lagos drama to light; to Adichie’s “controversial” piece(story for another day!); to the history the only female governorship aspirant nearly made (we are still waiting for it to happen) and all the other governorship election dramas. Oh! And not forgetting the man who promised to WALK from Lagos to Abuja in honour of GMB’s win and is almost done! He was last sighted in Niger State (CLICK HERE)

Of course we cannot ignore the mass migration of politicians to the new “powerful” party sweeping across the nation all because the new opposition party  had previously provided us with vacuum cleaners but with no electricity to power it (in the words of my friend. Lol). This however, confirms to me that Nigerian “political parties” are not political parties in the true sense of the word. They are not at all based on any ideologies like we see in western politics (e.g Republicans and Democrats in the United States) else these irresponsible cross-carpeting will not be happening. Who then will be left to keep the serving party in check?  By and large it has been an eventful month indeed!

Sadly, we have all watched as friends became fast enemies just because they didn’t agree on a candidate, tribes attacking tribes etc But then again, I must admit that the elections had a lot of pros the biggest of which was AWARENESS. Recently, the social media has played a major role in creating a platform of information for everything under the sun. This was no different. For the first time in our history, everyone who had a smart and not-so-smart phone was aware and participated in the election arguments/debates. Even those who were not so politically inclined (like me) were forced to participate and learn a little about our politics. If you were not commenting/arguing about each unfolding event, you could not escape reading about them.

In the midst all these happenings, I (we) nearly missed two important events that happened.

• TWO 17 YEAR OLD NIGERIANS GOT ADMITTED INTO ALL 8 IVY LEAGUE
  
  SCHOOLS!  Yes, Harold Ekeh  and Victor Agbafe both Nigerian born  but resident in the

  

  HAROLD EKEH

  United States, applied to 13 and 14 universities including the 8 ivy league schools respectively and got accepted into all. This is an amazing feat by all standards! Strinkingly, both want to

  

  VICTOR AGBAFE

  become neurosurgeons. Nigerians repping! ( SEE STORY HERE and HERE)

• SUPER FALCONS QUALIFY FOR THE ALL AFRICAN GAMES. This for me is a case

  

  HAPPY FALCONS

  of “what a man can do, a woman can do” but MUCH BETTER! Well since our Super Eagles have refused to fly, our falcons have not relented in making us proud so they should be celebrated! These super ladies scored 8 un-replied goals during their second leg All-African Games final qualifying match against Mali at the National stadium in Abuja last Friday. It should be remembered that they had earlier secured a ticket to Canada for the FIFA World Cup after their comfortable victories against Namibia, Zambia and Côte d'Ivoire, South Africa and Cameroon. Good job!

Ok, now the elections are over and it is time to work together to become the CHANGE we expect to see in our country. It will not fall on our laps like some deluded people think (Gosh! You need to hear some people talk about this). I sincerely hope that in all this we have learnt to become more accommodating, tolerating and peaceful.

GOD BLESS THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA!

THE PROFESSIONAL SIDE CHIC

How can a guy who obviously has a girlfriend who he constantly displays on every available social media platform claim to love and want me?

Yes I am really upset today o. I am upset because I get this sort of drama not from one or two men. A lot of men seem to think that because a lady is single, as in no-boyfriend-kind-of single, she can be told crap! Hellooo?? No one is a child here you know. At first I considered it funny but I don’t it that way anymore.

 Married men are not exempted, in fact, they are the worst culprits. Please don’t give me the “you know they are just being men” bullshit because I already threw that out the window. I knew some of these men before they got married and all of a sudden, after making their choice, they find me interesting. As what? A side lay? Oh please!

I feel it is an insult to my entire being and my intelligence. You don’t flaunt your girlfriend or wife in my face and still have the nerve to talk to me about “wishing you were here with me”. It is simply cock and bull nonsense!

To be honest I cannot decide which is more annoying and insulting of these two scenarios below:

The ex-boyfriend who was against my losing weight because “I like you this way and cannot imagine me being with anyone slimmer…” but currently engaged to a lady who is skinny personified. He still invites me to visit him and never fails to use every opportunity to tell me he wants to be with me. OR the married one (who I knew long before he got married) who keeps telling me that “you are the best thing that ever happened to me” and wants us to work out how we can be together. Err… when you are still with your wife or in another life? Seriously guys, who do y’all think you are fooling?

Speaking with some ladies over time, I discovered that I am not the only one in this situation. A woman is generally moved by what she hears and a weak woman doesn’t need to hear much before she is carried away and falls for such men.

I have spent time reading books including the bible, listening to so many talks and I know I want better for myself. I definitely wasn’t born to be a professional side chic to any irresponsible man. I now realise that I am worth more than the price tag I have placed on myself. So I made up my mind to work. I lost some weight (I am still on that journey and will write about my progress and challenges sometime), began to see myself with a fresh pair of eyes, love myself, built my confidence level and now I am reassured that I am too good for certain things and certain people. Out with the garbage!

I am still a work in progress but I can confidently tell any lady that it doesn’t pay to give yourself out cheap to any man especially those of them that think you are always available to be toyed with all in the name of love.  Such men I realise can never give you what you want. You only end up with a damaged confidence, a broken heart and a bitter spirit.

Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t make you feel dirty, small or cheap. Love doesn’t make you feel cheated. Love doesn’t make you feel inadequate. Love doesn’t make you feel like a second-class citizen or an option in another person’s life. NO. Any sort of emotion that makes you feel any of these is not love. Rise above that. Take a stand and place a huge price tag on your person and you will gain more respect.

Some of us constantly put down ourselves for men to trample on just because the society has declared that “age is not on your side” please stop. Honey, the man that will love and respect your regardless of your age will come.  But how will he find you if are too busy with the kind of man you shouldn’t be with?  This was the question I asked myself and I came to the conclusion that it is best for my man to find me with my head held up high than on the floor feeling insecure and miserable while nursing a heart ache I could have avoided.

I am at the stage where I am discovering and loving myself and it is an awesome experience! This is the most important aspect that will help you raise your self-worth. To help you love yourself two things are necessary:

·         Begin to see yourself through the eyes of God. He is love and only from him can we learn the art of loving because every of our being was crafted in His love. When you understand the plans of God for you, it will help you form a better impression of who you really are.

·         Learn to keep the exes where they out to be, ------------------>over there!  I figured that one major mistake I made and which other ladies have concurred with as well, is trying to keep a friendly/cordial relationship with these men.  But with time I have understood that it is not necessary especially if you cannot handle it.  Come to think of it, why should you be friendly with anyone who presence in your life doesn’t add any value to you? By being friendly, you are simply watering that relationship and leaving a window open for a repetition of the same situation you are avoiding.  Therefore, if cutting off such people completely will help your sanity, do it.

Always remember, in this journey what is most important is YOU, YOU AND YOU. Your happiness and well-being of your mind should be paramount.  You are beautiful, amazing and too good to be “used” by just any man! 

SOCIAL MEDIA AND OUR RELATIONSHIPS!

No one in this age can underestimate the power of social media any longer. It has come to stay. These days it has become a tool to boost businesses or destroy anything/anyone. I am more interested in its effect on relationships because it seems nearly every relationship is on display on every social media platform available –the good sweet moments, the gifts, and the romance. They keep saying love (or is it marriage?) is not a bed of roses but no one remembers to post the horrible and not-so-great-moments for us to see as well. This could be termed the “social media perfect” relationships. 

The married ones ain’t helping too. They keep sharing the “sweet side” enough to make some of us wish we were married. Nearly everyone’s pm/dp reads “My husband is the best…” OR “If I were to choose again, I will choose u over and over…” OR “Share this if u have the best husband in the world…” So who are the ones being abused and traumatised by their spouses? where are the ladies who say that "...marriage is a different ball game from dating" oh wait, they are not on social media??!  Well, after speaking with a couple of close married friends about marriage, I have concluded that the whole social media thing has been overdone and doesn’t hold so much weight anymore. Hey, this is only my opinion!

SOURCE: shavarross.com

Recently I was telling my friend Sue that I was thinking of shutting down from every social media platform for a while to let me catch my breath from the buzz. No, I am not jealous of anyone but whether we like to admit it or not, those of us who are single or do not have the media perfect relationships are constantly mentally and psychologically assaulted by those who are! It has become a per minute affair.  At this point I need to add a DISCLAIMER that I am NOT against people displaying their partners, lovers or love life on social media. I say this because some people might consider this topic sensitive and see it from a particular angle without thinking of the writer’s point of view.

I stumbled on an argument regarding this on Instagram a few days ago and I was amused to find out that most of the ladies  felt that putting your partner on display will help curb his cheating.  Am sorry but I consider this reason dumb because a man or even a lady who wants to cheat will gladly put you on display and make you his/her profile picture just to you make you feel safe and think that he/she is fully committed to that relationship. If you need the social media to keep your partner in check, something is definitely not right! A person who is going to cheat will cheat so posting online about you isn’t an assurance that it won’t happen! So if that is your reason for adopting the social media strategy, bleeh! You have failed this one. Simply put, People show off their partners for different reasons, yours might be showing you off for the WRONG reason!

So when next you are scrolling through your timeline and soaking in people’s updates about their I-have-it-all-together-and-I-am-super-happy life, do the following:

• ·         NEVER EVER ASSUME: Do u know how many times I have seen a cute couple who complement each other, who seem so happy, together and in-love break up? Naturally everyone would think “OMG! They looked so happy/good/cute together!”  Oh well, I guess we all assume everyone who show us their pretty moments are truly happy. Sorry to disappoint you hunny, the bad that happens behind the camera is never revealed.  You do not know what is going on so do not make assumptions based on pictures!  Bear in mind that some people share these posts for the wrong reasons –to show off and to deceive gullible people.   

• ·         NEVER COMPARE OR COPY ANYONE: Comparison is the thief of joy. Ever heard that? Social media has made everyone’s life almost an open book so it is easy for you to see through other people’s life and compare their “progress”. This has also made it easy for jealousy to breed. Avoid this because you will only end up trying to copy and re-create another person’s life- a perfect picture meant to attract likes, followers and comments on Instagram, facebook, BBM, etc - which is not entirely true. 

Remember that everyone is on an individual journey. No one’s story is the same. So take time to create and live yours as truthfully as your can. Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing your happy life with us on social media. Please do so by all means if it makes you happier, if you can handle the invasion of privacy that comes with it (of course it puts virtually the world into your business) and if you are strong enough to protect your relationship/family from the intrusion. If not, KEEP OFF!  

****This topic is one which can be exhausted in a short piece like this one but I decided to give it a go. Majority might disagree with my opinion but its fine because if you all were to agree with me then I have monopoly of knowledge which of course is not true. I hope to start a discourse on this to hear what you think. So please drop your comments below! 

Ella...xxx

MEET THE 10 YEAR OLD NIGERIAN GIRL WHO GOT ADMITTED INTO A UNIVERSITY!

Finally! Something new, exciting and uplifting to talk about besides Nigeria's spirit-dampening political chaos. I was really excited and super impressed when I read this piece of news. Now we have something nice being linked to us for once. A Nigerian girl is doing us proud! Oh well, she's more British than Nigerian but hey we have a share in this glory right?

Esther

So Esther Okade is a 10 year old girl who has just been accepted to study a Maths degree in a university even though she doesn't attend a regular school. Yes, she's TEN and home-schooled!

Esther and her younger brother Isiah

At age six, Esther made a C grade in her maths GCSE and her younger brother Isiah is already studying for his A-levels -also aged six! Both of them are home-schooled by their mother, Omonefe, who says she had to convert their living room into a makeshift classroom.

Mrs okade, a mathematician herself, said that by the time Esther was four she had taught her how to add, subtract, multiply and divide. Since she loved patterns, she also developed new ways of teaching her using that. According to her, by the time she taught her algebra, Esther loved it more than anything else and by age seven, she was eager to go to university. She eventually let her apply to the Open University last year August. After a phone interview, an essay and an exam , she was finally accepted onto the course. She is already topping her class, scoring 100% in a recent test.

According to the genius Esther, she wants to study for a PHD after this, run her own bank and become a millionaire! WHAT??!!!! Now I am ashamed of the things I dreamt of when I was her age. lol. Big dreams I tell you and to think that some of us do not even dare to dream at all. If this doesn't challenge or motivates you, I don't know what else will.

Since this news broke out, there has been mixed reactions. Some think it is brilliant thing and cool while others think that she will loose her childhood. However, according to Esther's parents, she will be attending university from home so that they can keep a close eye on her, make sure she enjoys being a child and maths at the same time.

Esther and her Mum

I am well aware that there are different types of maturity and I was curious to find out which one Esther possesses. My little research taught me that she had the COGNITIVE or INTELLECTUAL MATURITY that is unusually above her age grade. "This refers to the lifelong growth of abstract reasoning skills. Cognitive maturity means the capacity to entertain intangible ideas, like complex algebra for example and to grasp complex concepts like the convergent causes of the Civil War." (Click HERE for more information) 

I know psychologists will have a thousand and one things to say about how fast she is growing but I do believe that being in a suitable environment and with the right support, she will be able to go through the other phases of maturity and will not loose out on anything.

 Reading a lot of negative comments about this makes me sad. I consider her brilliant child a genius who has great potentials and I see  her taking big strides just like the Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg of our time. So let us celebrate something good and throw out the negativity!

One thing I have learnt from this is that parents need to pay close attention to their kids to be able to understand their capabilities at any given time .

Once again, Congratulations to Esther Okade, Nigeria is definitely proud of you and a big kudos to Mrs Okade for being such a brilliant teacher!






***Most of the information used in this article was culled from I MUST TALK

LIFE AS SHE SEES IT : EVERYDAY PT 2 .........By Adesuwa

(If you are yet to read Everyday 1 please click HERE!)

SOURCE: delphinevb.chez.com

Walking briskly with an air of purpose and hope, he approached the building. ‘The Center’ he nodded at the sign-post on the building and went in. After the bomb blast and so much reflection on his relationship with Maria he felt weak, so much he could not think straight. He laid awake all night in the dark and pondered about his life. Then Wole called.

“Guy! I don’t have much airtime but there is this audition to be held tomorrow! It's for a movie…word has it that it would be shown in series on TV after it is premiered. The audition is at the Centre, Kado. That big building near chummies…where Amina did her birthday…Jide!?”

“I am listening...”

“Okay, I know job-hunting has been hard on you, I heard about this audition and I you instantly came to mind. You are a great actor”

“That was at school…on stage. We are talking about real sets and cameras here…”

“See, just go..”

There was a small pause like Wole had ended the call “Wole!”

“Jide! MTN has just warned me, bye” and the call ended.

Jide stared at his phone, audition? all he wanted was to work in an office and earn a good salary. Money! That is what he needed.

So today, He got up at 5am, got ready and made his way to ‘The Centre’. Wole did not mention the time the audition was to start, but then he left that early because he had only 800 naira on him…home and abroad. He had psyched himself up from the time the call from Wole ended to this morning, to walk for the most part of the journey to ‘The Centre’. Not like it was not a normal occurrence, always in a bid to reduce cost of transportation.

He got to the venue at 6.45 am and was directed to the hall where the audition is to hold. He entered and stopped at his tracks. There were no less than about 300 people in the hall. Picking his steps, he walked further into  the hall, found a seat and settled in. How was he to get lucky amidst all these people here?

“Good morning...” he greeted the lady by his side and noted she was reading a book.

“Good morning” she didn’t look up.

“Please how many roles are to be filled?” he looked round taking in the crowd.

“I hear 5, they held auditions before, but needed to do another to pick 5 more people”

“5? only?” His apprehension was obvious

The lady looked at him and smiled “don’t worry, just pray. We are not even so many here. I went for an audition last week and we were over a thousand people! I spent the whole day and when the 489^th person was interviewed we were asked to leave, because they had gotten the people they wanted and would select from them, I was so mad! Yet, here I am today and early too.”

“I should leave then” He muttered.

“Just relax, we came early so hopefully we get to be tried.” She reached into her bag and brought out another book “here, you like to read?” He stared at the book, “Sons of Fortune by Jeffery Archer, nice read. Soak it in and pretend your are in it…its part of acting” She winked.

“Thanks”. No be book I con find! He sighed and collected it. It was 7am at this time.

“307!”

“307!”

“Bros! No be you be 307? Or make I go for you?” someone nudged Jide’s arm.

Jide woke up looking alarmed. He remembered dozing off after the lady collected her book, he actually did enjoy the book. She went in about an hour ago to be auditioned and came out some minutes later, walking up to him and frowning she snapped “my book!”, he swallowed the questions he had and quickly handed her the book then she walked away. Two ladies sitting behind him burst out laughing… “that one failed obviously!, no need to wait for selection!” one of them snickered. It was about 5pm now, auditions started at around 9am. He crossed his arms and took a deep breath, He thought one didn’t get to know if he or she was selected or not, until they had all been auditioned and the selection process concluded. So why were these ladies laughing? Ignorance.

“307!”

“I am here!” He shouted and made his way forward.

After about thirty minutes, he came out and let out a long breath. It was like he stopped breathing from the time he went into panellists, he was not sure what such group of people are called, this was not an interview else, he would conveniently term them interviewers. He met the producer, casting director, assistant director and the director of photography. ‘Ha!’ he sighed, they were mean. They made him act scenes from five different scripts and he did two monologues. When the producer told him “Mr Jide, your acts are quite impressive I must say! So let me tell you here, you wouldn’t have to wait till selection… congratulations! See you on set...”

Jide instantly felt high…Maria would be proud of him. He had rehearsed all the things he would do if he turned out to successful at this audition, but now that it happened, he just felt too overwhelmed to show his joy. He went up to the attendants at the corner of the hall and gave them further details of himself, while asking for other basic information. It was like an exchange. After he was done with them, he turned to leave and then remembered…

“Please do you have an idea of how much would I be paid?” he asked one of the ladies

She studied him for a while and sighed. “ about N30, 000 or so”

“For a scene or for the whole…”he was confused

“For all the scenes you would appear on, for about four weeks or five... You are one of the newbies, You have no experience. You should see this as an opportunity to sell yourself...like a sort of reference point. It is that or nothing. You are lucky sef! you did not have to wait till selection to know if you would be on the cast or not.” That said she picked up the bottle of water on the table and took a gulp.

He turned away from her “N30, 000 ke? For a four-week shoot?” Maria would definitely leave him now.

TO BE CONTINUED

LIFE AS SHE SEES IT : THE CAKE.....By Adesuwa

Ken breezed into the room and flung his bag on the bed. He had a huge scowl on her face.

"Keno! You are back! How did it go?" James hailed

No answer.

"Ken?"

"I gave her the cake"

"And? Ehen?"

"She was happy"

"And? I see you with no gift pack or something. Or is it in your bag" James took the flung bag and did a quick search. Nothing.

"I didn't get anything. Oh yea she kissed me"

"Kissed ke?" James laughed "I told you! Sorry I can't help laughing. Pele" James laughed and collapsed on the bed. "You no dey hear word, see all the trouble you went through to get that cake, no forget to pay me my money o"

"Abegi!"

"So that's all for you for valentine's yea? All these women sha. They want this and that but can't give this or that. Kai! Or you sef no sabi chop cake? I would have shared in it you know?" he started laughing again

"James it's okay joor. What was I even expecting? We just started dating"

"I need to see this girl sef. Her cup don start to dey full" James had a huge grin on his face. "Anyways cheer up! We shall go out, get drunk and darn women!"

"Is your babe not seeing you today?"

"She will. But am not moving from here. I know she will come, atleast you get to meet her. I have pre-warned her that am as broke as broke! so nothing for her. I don't believe in this valentine's day madness. I better give gifts to the motherless"

Ken shook his head. "You? Motherless? Tell me another joke. You are just looking for trouble. You know these little things matter to ladies. From all you said you have a good chic! Not like mine.."

James smiled and pulled at his beard, "what would happen? Worst case she would fashi me, while I move on to the next bus. No time" his phone started ringing  "she is calling...shhhh"

"Hey babe!" he listened then said "yep! Am home, would be going out for drinks with my boys soon though" winking at Ken "alright dear, would be here waiting for you" call ended.

"Oya! Oya! Vacate the house. She is coming! She don nearly reach" James jumped up and started putting things in order.

Ken groaned "I feel sleepy guy"

"Please na! I know you are jealous of me!" James jeered " I am sure am getting a gift and I get to get laid too! Whoohoo! Oya! Oya! Vamoose!"

"Na u Biko! No wahala I dey Abiola room. No too tey or we go leave you!" Ken called out to James who was in the kitchen. He poured a handful of groundnut in his palm and started to leave

"Anyhow e be, I go call you for controls" James called back and came back to the room to usher Ken out of the house.

"No push me joor!" Ken shook his head and muttered "lucky chap", opened the door and froze.

"Hey bae!!! You are here already" James didn't seem to observe that his friend was in shock, and went forward to hug the lady at the door. "Ken meet my queen!"

"Temi?!"Ken looked awestruck. He  looked at what she was holding and recognised the cake. His eyes grew big. The very cake he had given her this morning. He had defied the caterer's advised to write her name on it, he felt it was "cliché", and told her to write "love you bae this vals".

Temi quickly shrugged out of James arms, set the cake on the floor, took some steps back and ran out of the premises, almost falling at the gate.

"What's going on" James asked arms open.

Ken having processed what had happened, let out a loud laughter and then sighed. "Oya! Your prayers have been answered. Let's eat the cake."

HOW TO MAKE A GUY BREAK UP WITH YOU!.......BY ACHENYO ALFA

Have you ever been in that position where you want to break up with a guy but he won't let go or you want to make it look like he was the one that ended the relationship? Here are some classic ways to break up with a guy some of which I have tried before. Remember, if you should try this, I am not liable for the resultant effects. :)

1. "It's not you, it’s me"

Source: someecards.com

Don't we all know this one? It's a classic and an all time favourite. Just call the guy up and tell him, "I think we should take a break for now because I need to figure some things out. It's not you; it’s me. You're a great person but I have so many issues I'm dealing with right now. Perhaps, when I work them out...?"

Ha! Unless the guy is dull brained or so in love with you, he will have to understand that you are ready to break up and move on.

2. Go Spiritual (A)

Source: claritywithlaurenlansen.com

This is classic especially in Nigeria where people are superstitious and believe in many strange things. Just tell him, you had a dream and it was like you guys were together as a couple and walking on the street; when you entered your house, a man began to shout at your boyfriend(soon to be ex) asking him what he was doing with you because you were his wife and had three children for him. Suddenly, they both began to fight and the man burnt your boyfriend's house etc and told your boyfriend(soon to be ex, of course) that bad things were going to start happening to him. When you tell him the dream, maybe something bad just happened to him- like his engine got knocked up or his side mirror got broken or water flooded his house. Ah, no one will tell him that you have a spirit husband who's jealous. He'll break up with you sharp sharp especially after several deliverance prayers with no change. Haha!

3. Go Spiritual (B)

Another dimension to being spiritual. Just become very spiritual. When he calls you, tell him your friend took you to a prayer house and you'll call him back later. Don't talk to him for two days, then let him know you had a period of "seclusion" and the prophetesses or "visioners" (yep, not visionaries) said he was the destined one to bring your afflictions and family's suffering to an end. Honestly, I know a girl who tried this- honest although she wasn't doing it to drive the man away. She actually went to prayer houses and they told her the brother in church was her husband even though he was had gotten engaged twice or thrice within that period. Omo, the guy took off from her because she said weird stuff and he's married now, four years and counting. As at the time, she believed he would come back to her but now...she's ready to marry someone else.

4. Become Needy

Source: memebase.com

Oh yes. When you have a boyfriend who won't get that it's the end of the road for you, just become needy. Don't give him the space to breathe. Call him up almost every minute. Be with him all day long. Make sure when he's watching Arsenal, you want to watch Telemundo.(even if you don't like it). When you go to the cinema, don't watch an action flick; go for something weepy and romantic. Cry for no just cause; drag him away from his friends; tell him to take you to the market, the salon, your friend's bridal shower and make him stay there with you while you shop or make your hair or  wait for you while you're partying with your friends.

Be in his face. Do it constantly for 2 weeks (if he survives that long) and see what happens. He'll call you one day and say, "Babe, please give me the opportunity to miss you."

5. Be Materialistic

Source:www.bellaniaja.com/pininterest

Some men call it high maintenance. Do it with style. Show him that he may not be able to provide for you and even if he can, let him think you like money too much. One girl I know went with her boyfriend to get a flat screen TV from Samsung. As soon as he picked it out, she told him, "Oh, you can but a TV to take to your home in the village but you can't buy one for my house? And you have money?” Guy had to buy a bigger one for her. Guess what? First he stopped coming out with his atm card because if they just passed, Vina Furniture, she'd say, "I need something from here" Or if they went to Amigo, she would pick a clock or mirror that cost a lot of money. When he found out that she made sure she reminded him about his atm card before they went out, he stopped taking her out. See, guys like you to ask but not so often and anyhow. You wanna break up with one? Show him that you want to spend his money!

6. Become Marriage Obsessed

Source: someecards.com

If you've been dating a sweet good guy for a few months but know you can't tell him to his face that you guys can't be together, and then become marriage obsessed. Say random things like:

Girl: December or March, next year? Choose one.

Guy:  Why?

Girl: For our wedding next year.

Girl: Orange and peach or Lavender and Gold?

Guy: You want to buy a dress?

Girl: No, I’m picking out the colours for our traditional wedding.

Girl; Hey, Honey. I’m thinking next weekend.

Guy: For what?

Girl: To meet your Dad and Mum.

Guy: What are you reading?

Girl: Names and meanings

Guy: Don't you know the meaning of your name?

Girl: It's for our children. We'll name them Reuben, Manasseh and Ephraim

Well, you get the picture.

The dude will disappear as fast as he can!

7. Become Conan the Destroyer!

Source:mythicscribes.com

Work up a little argument and just begin to thrash round him. Break his phones, smash his ipad, break his windscreen, become a little demon. When he calculates how much he's losing to keep you as a girlfriend, he'll empty you like a sack of potatoes and flee. Just be careful that he doesn't become Conan the barbarian and beat you up o! Don't come and blame me o!

 That's a few ways to get him to do your dirty job for you! Let me know other ways you can do that!

Achenyo is a lawyer, writer, editor, compere, PR, Strategist and also a Customer Service Activist. Although she serves in HR, Admin and Legal of a firm in Abuja, she's successfully edited three published books to date, engaged in radio voice overs and dramas and helped coordinated PR projects for a few individuals. 

Achenyo also runs a blog called ACHENYO'S WALL. When she's not reading, she likes day dreaming, talking, cooking and anything chocolate!