COHABITATION?......ERRR, NO PLEASE!

source-www.catholicchapterhouse.com

Simply put, cohabitation is a situation where two people (a man and a woman in this case) who are not married live together.  This of course means that they are sexually intimate and emotionally attached. These days, this arrangement seems so “cool” not only in the western world but with us non-Westerns too and has such become a global phenomenon that there is currently a Cohabitation Bill before the UK Parliament.  We seem to adopt everything they do over there without questioning them, don’t we? 

So imagine you (the lady) is living with a man –you cook, clean, wash his clothes, iron them, take care of things around the house including being there for him when he needs a shoulder and receiving the heat when he has a bad day; oh and let’s not forget servicing his little Johnny too! –why in God’s name will he want to make it official? Trust me, no man in this position wants to be tied down. Who needs the formality when he’s getting the cookie, cookie jar and the cookie maker for free?

Besides being wrong from a Christian point of view, a number of things happen when people cohabit:

• The first is being taken for granted.  I call it the “see finish” syndrome.  Suddenly he stops going out of his way to do things for you or the lady starts being disrespectful or condescending because he/she has seen all there is to you, your flaws and all. Like my Friend Sue said “Nothing bad pass make man see you finish!”  Keep your self-respect intact by avoiding cohabitation.

• You lose your space and independence. For the woman, a man’s house will rarely feel like

  

  source-www.marilynstowe.co.uk

  home because you cannot have your say in how it is furnished or how it is run else the man will start to think you are out to suffocate him. Helloooo??? You are not his wife! Besides, some men do not take well to change. According to Sherry Argov in her book titled WHY MEN MARRY BITCHES (I recommend this book to every lady –single or married –but read with CAUTION!) “When you bring two cats home together as kittens, they get along well. But if you bring a cat into another cat’s territory, the cat whose territory it is will dominate the other little cat from then on. This is why women feel off balance when they move to a man’s turf, it a territorial thing.”  You get what I mean?

• There is also the tendency of becoming secluded. This means that you automatically close all doors to any other better relationship. You are not married, so technically you should be keeping an open mind right? Oh well, cohabitation doesn’t support that school of thought. Every “potential” sees the UNAVAILABLE, KEEP OFF! Sign on your forehead.

• There’s a high possibility of making a baby which will tie you both to each other for life whether you both get married to each other or not. Are you prepared for such permanent ties? Note that children born to cohabiting parents are more likely to experience disruptions in their family life which ofcourse can lead to negative consequences for their emotional and educational development  

Yes, I am more concerned about ladies, not because the men do not matter, but because I believe ladies have more to lose when such relationships go wrong. Now a lot of ladies in this kind of relationship find it hard to get out because they have their emotions wound up making it unable to think objectively. They begin to think of all they have “invested” into the relationship and anyone who attempts to talk them out of it is seen as an enemy. This I believe is the same reason most women stay put in abusive relationships.

source- www.kiransawhney.com

Although the world seems to think otherwise, cohabitation is not an ALTERNATIVE to marriage. I have seen a lady live with a man and practically being a wife to him.  A baby and 4 years down the line, he still wasn’t ready to commit. What has she gained? This only confirms the study that has shown that cohabitations with children are more likely to break up than childless cohabitation according to research.

Some people I have spoken to about this topic argue that living with your partner helps you get to know him/her better. Personally, I don’t agree with this.  You can live with someone for 10 years and still not know the person. People can pretend for years especially if they want something from you. But if you are married, according to my friend Blessing, you let your guards down because “in your sub-conscious the guy/lady ain’t going nowhere” so every pretence goes out the window!

Some argue that it helps accountability in a relationship. I disagree too. Do not be deceived, cohabitation is not a guarantee for faithfulness. In fact, research shows that people in cohabiting relationships are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners than married people. Another research has shown that "the more often and longer men and women cohabit, the more likely they are to divorce later" (Click here for more information)

I could go on on about why people shouldn't cohabit but the un-healthiness of this arrangement are pretty obvious. We see them happen around us everyday. There are other ways to know your partner other than "playing house" with him/her. That is what communication is meant for. Spend time with your partner, talk, be open about everything but do not live with any man or woman who is not your spouse!